" And so why do we need to fetch her again?"

"Why cant she continue staying at the other side?" 

My mind asking myself for the nth time today.. I'm not a saint n when it's an uncomfortable arrangement coupled with the nth time changes.. the OCD plus not perfect me kept fighting with the logical me. 

Mil is coming over to stay with us from tomorrow onwards 😱😱😱... arrangement should b for 1 mth since she had already stayed at bil place since the start of CB. I really appreciated Bil gestures of inviting her over to stay; bcoz we all feared that she wouldn't be able to cope with the tight measures on her own. And with the extension of CB, she has since stayed for 2 mths. Then sil kinda hinted that we should rotate this til end of the year.. which the logical me also felt that it's a fair thing to do. 

But obviously, no one consulted the dowager..and when bil simply issued the decree that he will drop her at my place on 2nd jun, WW3 happened la.. dowager was upset since last week.. 

To me honestly, I dont really mind if she wanna continue staying there. Right.. lol.. if shes happy, then we should keep it that way right.. it's going to b tough if she comes over with grievances right right.. lol.. u see.. the devious me keep justifying.. oh God, pls correct me.

So anyway up to yday and today, sil has changed her stance like so many times lo.. a text from her at 6pm say dowager will stay there til end Jun.. (a slight 🥳🥳🥳) but 1hr later she asked what time we going to pick her up.. 🥺

Praying that I wont go crazy when she comes over Tom... praying for an open heart and open mind.. 

What I learnt/did during the Circuit Breaker

Its been abt 6weeks since the start of circuit breaker and if things go on track, it's only 2 more weeks left. To be honest, 6 weeks seem to fly past so fast. I've learnt/done so many interesting things that I wont be doing if it was the normal work schedule.

1) Urban Farming 

- I've grew 3 rounds of bean sprouts thus far. Its probably one of the easier veg to grow and I thought it would b interesting for the girls to see how beans are transformed into a dish in a span of days..

This was my first time doing (then) and the girls got so sick of tao gei for a while that they forbade me to grow so much at one go! I really enjoyed the time when we all just pluck the tao gei together.. lol.. it reminded me of my growing up years when we had to do it..hahah

2) Work emails 

- I managed to download all my work emails and achive them based on each individual client.. yeah! It's one of the good to do tasks but not urgent things that I could clear during the CB..

3) Writing Cards

- When was the last time we wrote a card / letter to a friend? Or made one for them? I took this time to mail out short cards to my friends to wish them Happy Mothers Day.. inspiring mothers whom I wanna thank for guiding me along the way; mummy friends who were in the journey together with me and amazing mothers who I hope to send an encouragement to! By the end of this drive, my hands were aching from the writing..lol.. but it's a small gift of love that I hope my friends would like.. 

4) Zoom 

- By now most Singaporeans would have mastered the use of Zoom / video conferencing. The girls definitely picked up faster but I'm glad I know how too! Also managed to finally mastered screen sharing and do my presentations digitally. Havent close my first sale yet but I know it will come!

5) Digitalizing my drawings into ppt

- I'm a dinosaur.. and most colleagues / clients know that too.. I present with pen and paper and even though I scanned all my drawings, the problem with drawing is i would need to re-draw for each review. Since I had so much time, I converted all my drawings to ppt! Close to 90% of my existing clients..hahaha.. ticked ppt off my list and feeling a huge sense of accomplishment. It's a learning curve for a dinosaur like me, but it wouldn't have been possible if I didnt have so much time to figure out and port all over. 

6) Cross stitch 

- I ordered this when I was done with 2) and I still had 4 or 5 weeks before CB ends. I really wanted to do something for ME. Though i may not know how to bake or cook or do chores, this was one of my fav past time when I was young. I used to do this a lot during sch days but stopped doing when we humans got too engrossed with mandate work activities. I managed to find many designs on qoo10 where it could b shipped easily.

But it was still a pain when I was going thru this. The squares were too small for my eyes and I should have started with an easier design. 2 thoughts went thru my mind while doing it.. I either finish it before the end of CB or risk it being a half completed job for a loooooong time when work "reopens". 

Its finally completed to which I'm thankful. I really enjoyed doing it, after the initial difficulties. It's like my escape away from parenting duties..hahaha..The girls were also curious to learn. So I've ordered new sets for them which has the design printed and hopefully easier for them to learn.

7) Ironing out with Joy

- After that last entry, Joy and I cried so hard that day... words cut deep, especially when it comes from loved ones. I know she doesnt mean it, but we all could learn from this episode. I told her abt my struggles being the sole breadwinner. We all have strengths in different areas, which is something both of us need to know and recognize. I need to be more confident of myself so that such remarks wont hurt me as much. I need to stop doubting myself. She needs to know and learn that her choice of words is a sword. It can kill. And it has alrdy affected her friendships to a certain extent. We both learnt from that episode and if anything, she is even more sticky to me these days..

8) Exercising 

- We started exercising everyday via the exercise videos on YouTube bcoz Joy has to complete at least 1 video a day to "maintain" her fitness as required by her CCA. It's nice to sweat it out with the girls. Through this, we can also see who is the more sporty kind and who is the one that has mobility disability..hahaha.. I need to get more yoga mats! Hopefully we continue this even after CB ends.

9) iPad and apple pencil 

- I bought the apple pencil when govt announced CB in view that I would do more presentation / drawings digitally. But to be honest, the pencil has been so underused for work, if any. Angela suggested sketching / digital art with it. I've tried a few times..but art is not my cup..hahaha..

I've just started to use it for journaling and taking my church notes recently and hopefully it can relinquish its white elephant status by the end of CB. Mayb this shall be the next skill I conquer.

My after thoughts 

I'm quite thankful for this circuit breaker. If anything, it has allowed me to complete/master things that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to do so. I told my BFFs that I'm actually enjoying my life now. Do a bit of work here and there, spend a lot of time with the kids, do bible study, eat and sleep. Mayb I will have a different stand when the cases/$$ are not coming in subsequently but for now, I'm enjoying the peace and my simple life. 

Shall make a list of the things I wanna do (tom) before the end of CB. Coz there's only 2 weeks left...lol

Back in April when my fringe is stil short..  

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Isaiah 26:3 NIV

https://isaiah.bible/isaiah-26-3

做人很难

Just now joy was fiddling with vera..when she said "mama, when vera grow up, she will b more useless than u.."

And at that instance, I felt like being shot a thousand times..Like 无缘无故被杀死

I asked her "Is mama very useless? I can be more useless than now, u know?"

She apologised.

But damage done. Felt like I've fallen into a bottomless pit. 

This is her nth time saying it, like its getting a little too frequent and hurting like crazy. I rem the first time was when she was my IT support helping me set up the things during my video conference (when I screwed up) and needed her backup. She probably said it out of frustration but it still hurts. Or maybe she really felt that her mom is useless. I dont know. Or mayb I really am not very useful.

Other than my job, I dont know any other skills. And my job is something that the kids find it chim to understand or able to visualise that put any meaning to it. U know.. in sch the kids know the popular occupations like teacher; lawyer; doctor etc. But what is a financial adviser ? What do they do? 

Actually I find it even more hurting after penning this.. haiz.. I dunno how I should face her and how I should stop it from happening etc. God pls grant me the wisdom to turn this into something useful, that we all can learn from this together. 

Extensions

21.04.20

The govt has announced an extension of the circuit breaker til 1st Jun and a further trimming of essential services.. I'm axed this round..lol.. actually few days before that, it was announced in my firm that we are no longer permitted to conduct face to face appts..  we either meet and close digitally; or wait till the end of CB. The insurers immediately came up with digital forms etc, so as to minimise inconveniences. 

I thought this was an era that we would tell our kids and grandkids in the years to come.. where staying home is for the love of our family; and HBL is the new norm. Everyone needed to adapt FAST and accept the new normal. The kids will start their sch hols from 4th may, taking a break from HBL and going back to school in June. I thought it was a good change. A good break for the teachers, having to learn to teach digitally; and also for students who are struggling with HBL too... 

It was clear with this latest announcement what essentials are. Bbt; hairdresser; cake shops are axed this time too. We didnt rush to get bbt or to the supermarkets since uncle pig has finally embraced getting groceries online (finally!) 

This yr is probably the year that the twins will remember their bday celebration for a long time. We originally had booked a bday party at Mac, but it was cancelled mths ago becoz of covid. Then we convinced the twins that we shall do a family bbq at our place, but even that, was closed. Finally we decided to do a ice cream party and each of them shall choose 1 ice cream cake of their choice / theme / flavour and we shall polish them all on 27th! But alas, with the new changes, Swensens says that they have to cancel our orders since their cake production would cease. Even though they are still open for takeaways etc, there wouldn't be new cakes produced. And that was when the reality hit me..lol.. thankfully william went over to the branch nearest to us, and simply gotten 2 cakes. It wasnt the theme/flavour of their choice, but it didnt matter (at least to me).. we will make do with whatever we have.. lol.. 

That pretty sums up our eventful day; coupled with a faulty router that decided to retire this morning. Lol!!! And I had to hotspot the 3 kids during HBL.. thankfully, william managed to dig for a spare router in the afternoon.. lol.. who has 2 routers at home anyway!?? Hahaha.. me lo..cox my hubby is a hoarder (shhhhhh...) 

All of us learnt a lot these few weeks.. uncle managed to buy things online; while I managed to conduct video conferencing (pat pat!); also managed to spend many one to one sessions with each of the girls for which I'm thankful for; I've also managed to spend more time with vera and her math.. bcoz of CB, I managed to fill up some gaps with her..thankfully.. my next step is to cultivate her reading; coz she hates reading (like her papa).. thankful that I havent had the thought of killing any of the girls YET (I hope I dont jinx it)

Thankful for the little blessings / challenges; thankful that despite all the circumstances; we are stuck together in one place.. hahah.. praying for the people in healthcare / frontline! We can all jiayou together!

Again he said, “What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it?  It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth.  Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade.”
Mark 4:30‭-‬32 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/mrk.4.30-32.NIV

emo emo

Today is one of those days where everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.. haiz.. n I was / is still feeling down..

N I know I needed to just draw strength from my all time angel.. haha.. 

Its moments like this that make me so thankful for people like her, who are always so ready to encourage and say a little prayer for me. I know I'm blessed but today is just a shitty day. Trying my best to focus on the little/tiny blessings and hopefully that is enough to carry me forward. The day is long for me. I still have a few appts and errands to run. 

God, I pray that u give me strength and faith to lean on You, that may Your word carry me thru the rest of today. God, the tasks seen uphill but I need to remember that You will never give us a task too big to handle. In Jesus name I pray, amen!

happy weekend!

Joy send me this morning.. hahaha.. it's so true.. my paradise and her nightmare.. lol..  

The Choos went to the library as our first stop today

All in all, we borrowed 60 books which I know joy and grace would have no problem finishing their collection within a fortnight. Hopefully our little vera picks up this hobby too..

Happy weekend everyone! 💪 💪💪

Share positivity, share love 💕

3rd Apr 2020 - the day Govt announced that HBL will start from 8th Apr for 1 whole mth.. I wasnt super shocked, coz we alrdy had 2 mths of normal school. My HK friend and I both felt that Sg had alrdy 偷赚 2 mths of normal life alrdy. Hahaha.. I'm sure the measures implemented were thoroughly thought thru and this is probably the best way to stamp out infections. I could foresee people rushing to Courts or funan scrambling to get laptops. I wanted to too, coz our house has too many kids and only 1 decent laptop. But I'm blessed to have Angela who offered to lend me hers spare laptop, thus sparing me of having to do last min scramble purchase.

All businesses have to either WFH or close for now, other than essential services 

I couldn't be more thankful for this pic, becoz it spells out that I'm in an essential service sector.. yeah.. not that I foresee having many many appts..but there are a couple of them. And I wont want to violate any laws/ or b a socially irresponsible citizen. It also brightens my otherwise lousy morning when a client who wanna know abt investments but didnt wanna meet. It made me felt rejected, as though I'm "dirty" or what; or that im some socially irresponsible person who still trying to make so many social appts etc. I'm not. But there are bargains / suitable investment opportunities for some clients etc. And i just wanna do my diligence and inform them. That's all. Anyway I felt lousy after the morning texting. But I decided not to let it affect me too much. I know this wont be the first of such msgs and it wont be the last either. I went home and ask joy to teach me how to do presentations via zoom etc. Although I'm still raw on it, but if the need requires, I will learn. I'm glad i learn a new skill.. hahaha.. hopefully there wont b too many hiccups when it's the day of presentation.. hahahaa..

Told the kids and my CEO that we will follow the Gov't policies and wear a mask from 8th apr onwards.. we are probably the family who rather stay home then mask and go out..lol.. but I told my ceo that if this is the Govt directives, then we shall follow, as law abiding citizens. Esp since he is in the higher risk group. 

Am I worried abt the situation? Not really.. coz my faith is with my God and saviour. And I know that we are in a blessed nation, with leaders who think 20 steps ahead of us, and protect and guide us. 

However I'm concerned abt the living together and sticking together as a family of 5. I'm afraid that I would really slaughter my kids with unkind words; or have arguments that I would regret later on. I told william my concerns last night and both of us agreed that at least we are staying at our current apartment; that at least we have space (a bit more than our previous place) and hopefully that could last us out for a mth.

Thankful for the opportunity to be thankful for. Learning to give thanks in every situation.. 

Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.  And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”
Isaiah 40:4‭-‬5 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.40.4-5.NIV