Time alone with God

 “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

‭‭James‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/jas.1.5.niv

When I look back at the emotional rollercoasters I had during my first trimester, I didn’t know what came to me. Why I had behaved the way I did, or why my thoughts were always clouded with negativity and pessimism. I’m thankful for the support I received from my family and friends who knew I was struggling. I’m sorry that they had to put up with my nonsense and when I said nonsense, it’s really terrible nonsense. 

Coming into 19th week of my pregnancy, I’m a lot better now; be it emotionally or physically. I’ve started to do some work as well as trying to do my TAWG again. 

I’m fearful of what lies ahead, especially if I would fall back into the post natal depression pit. Thus I’m trying to record all these little victories so that when the time comes, I would b ready. Praying that God grant me wisdom to overcome my challenges, that I wouldn’t be consumed by my own self when the battles come. Praying that I always stay rooted in His word and remembering that He is with me in every step of my journey, in Jesus name I pray, amen! 

P/s: meeting a couple of friends for lunch this week.. yeah ! Happy moments 

Random

 ““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭14:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/jhn.14.1.niv

God, it has been a sleepless night yday. I’m lost and dunno how to start; plus the short deadline is making me crazy mad. I’m reminded that I managed to hit my goals despite giving birth to the twins in 2012; despite struggling with 3 kids and without much help etc. And surely, it’s going to be a lot easier since we only have a newborn to manage this time round. God, I pray that you grant me the faith to believe it all , the discipline to carry it thru and the wisdom to carry on my advisory. 

The lack of harvest has finally humbled me. Each year at the start of the year, the qn of where or how much the harvest would b; and if there’s no harvest; what would our plan B be? 

But God, I don’t have plan B. You are my only plan . Guide me along, that I b steadfast in you, that I wouldn’t waver in fear, nor would I compromise my ethics for the goals. It’s only meaningful if I achieve it without compromising on principles. God, help me to help my clients. In Jesus name I pray, amen !

Reflections 2020

I wanted to do this earlier but somehow I got lazy / tired to even pen something. I know I've hit the goals I've set out for 2020 but its still good to reflect on them

1) Work 

Looking back at 2020, I managed to hit TOT, something I never thought possible. In fact , I hit much more than TOT! In total I probably hit about 9 rounds of MDRT! And its all possible bcoz of God who made it Himpossible. 

I don't think I worked a lot harder more this yr but somehow God just opened the cases for me. And I'm thankful for how He has showed time and time again, to always trust in Him and wait upon Him. 

2) #4

We went for our scan on the last day of 2020. The twins went along too, bcoz they wanted to be the first to know the gender. We are having a baby boy! 🥳

I never thought it was possible to be pregnant again; at least not naturally; after being infertile for more than 10yrs. I didnt think God would grant me my desire when I prayed / cried out to Him for another child. I felt like Sarah in the bible but God proved again that nothing is impossible in His eyes. 

But yet carrying this child hasn't been a ride in the park. I felt ungrateful and emo when I was first pregnant. I'm a lot better now (PTL!) and I pray that thru it all, this is a challenge to make me a stronger and better person. 

Was just recalling with Uncle Pig that just a few mths ago, I was still having the crazy thoughts of pursuing a 2nd degree / doing some cosmetic  surgery / getting a car just for indulgence. But God had bigger and more meaningful plans. He didn't want me to get a Merc just bcoz I could afford it; He wasn't done with me here at my current marketplace. And I shouldn't be wasting my talents. 

3) family 

The girls have finally come to terms with #4 addition. They have started to be more understanding and patient (twins especially) towards me, to which I'm thankful. I hope they wouldn't react like what Joy did when the twins first arrived. But oh well, that is a problem that we will face when it comes.

Resolutions for 2021

1) Double TOT

- I heard it loud and clear few weeks ago, when I was still struggling with my nausea and emo. I know I said to my colleagues that I intend to just chill out for next year and enjoy the new family addition; be a SAHM; n smell the roses 🌹.  

But after resting for close to 2 mths, I know I'm well rested and ready to go..haha... It still seem like a daunting task esp since I dunno how much I could work in 2021 but I am no longer afraid of the big goals. I know I only need to do my best and He will do the rest. Its just so easy. If He is willing, everything will fall in place, according to His plans. 

2) Weight

Yes, the amt of food I've been eating is so scary and I pray that when all of this is over, I'll be able to go back to clean and sane eating. I certainly do not wish to see my weight going back as per previously.

I'm thankful for all that He has provided for 2020. I couldn't have asked for more. Praying that the delivery would b smooth; n that we would adapt well to parenting again. Praying that God gives me rest (havent been sleeping v well lately) and also remove my constipation..haha..I've resorted to drinking prune juice but that hasn't been of much use..

Goodbye 2020, Harlow 2021

And so began our crazy adventure to tiong bahru Market.. its 715am now and we are here.. im in a queue for bf..but not for lor mee.. bcoz 

Its aren't open..😭😭😭

Oh well. Nonetheless I'm still feeling touched and delighted that William suggested this.. its nice to have some couple time together, even if its just for a short bf..before we go home and resume our parent duties.. 

breakfast For today..

Woke up with a sprained left shoulder and body aching all over.. the choos (except vera) went bowling yday; something that i haven't done for yrs. We all had fun doing some activities other than eating. Hahaha.. promised to bring them again next week.. but I probably rest it out for the next session..

LOVE

Booked one to one sessions with each of the girls this week becoz I was feeling guilty for the lack of activities with them personally. Vera chose to do baking bcoz none of the bakers at home want to teach her.. so I went with her..lol.. to be honest I was abit scare bcoz its 4 hrs and I'm not sure if I could have the stamina to last throughout the session but thankfully, she did most of it.. really..

The sponge cake and butter cream were prepared before hand; while the gingerbread dough were made in class by the chef. We needed to shape and decorate the cookies ; assemble the cake and cream; decorate it. It seems a lot easier when I hear the tasks we needed to do (at the start of the class); but by the halfway mark, I was dead exhausted. Thankfully my little baker did most of it ah.. I have neither the interest nor the talent for it. Hahah.. but I enjoyed my time with her..just watching her do her best to follow the instructions etc.. 

For Grace, she wasn't keen on baking or painting. She just wanted time with mama all by herself. So I brought her to watch Wonder Women since it was her fav superhero and we finally get to watch a non- Marvel film after so long. 

breakfast was at slappy cakes; followed by some Xmas shopping before we headed for the movies. It was her first time taking Gold Class! 

I haven't been to Gold class for a long while and have forgotten how comfortable it is..haha..it was a treat that she enjoyed very much and spend the next 2 days bragging to her sisters how enjoyable the whole movie treat was.. I was just glad she didn't cry midway the movie and wanted to escape from it. (Trust me, it happens to her 90% of the time)

It was nice just chilling with her; holding her hands while we chatted.. we didn't take much photos but I now know why and how she first started to know about WW. She read a story book about Ww in the library and loved it since then. She could easily explain some parts of the storyline (which was similar to the book), to me. I also know that im her one and only BFF, though I hope she would expand her list one day. 

Though exhausting, it was pretty satisfying to know a little bit more abt the girls individually. Will be Joy's turn next week.. to be updated..

Its so nice to have an extra pair of hands

Our helper arrived last mon - almost 2 mths after we applied for one; having fulfilled her 14 days SHN plus medical check ups etc .. 

It must have been too long since our last helper left, that I've forgotten how nice it is to have someone magically wash the dishes, wash and iron all the clothes.. hahaha.. uncle pig enjoys cooking much better now coz he can have a peaceful dinner with us and spend some tv time with us while the helper does the washing.. haha.. while for Joy and I, we are quietly happy that we can keep wearing our favourite clothes over and over again instead of searching it in the pile of "to be ironed clothes"..not forgetting that we have fruits already cut in the fridge.. hahaha.. I know I'm hopeless but its so nice that I'm able to have ready cut watermelon for tea instead of wondering when it will be served.. hahahah.. 

Told William that we should have gotten help much earlier but he reminded me again that it could have gone either way. Especially since our previous helper became such an essential part of our life..lol.. oh well, for now I'm thankful for the extra help at home..even though the helper doesn't seem to b great with kids..which is entirely fine..haha.. just make my house sparkle clean and I'm happy enough. Thankful!

Week 13 update

Taken at week 12 during Oscar scan 

To be honest, when I went for the scan last week, I was (pleasantly) surprised that the heartbeat is still beating. I was certain 小豆豆 had left bcoz I suffered some cramps just a few days before..but I didn't want to cause any panic to william and kept quiet. 

Each time my friends ask me, my usual reply would b " baby is still here .. (thankfully)" .. they think I'm joking and not being serious. But to be honest, I'm not confident. I hear too many stories and probably do too many claims to know that being able to deliver thr baby at full term without complications is no mean feat. And I just wanna be thankful for each day that 小豆豆 is still here with me. 

I'm thankful also for the sweetest friends I have.. friends who send sweet messages to comfort me when I'm down; friends who send surprise snacks over for me to tide my hunger/ cravings.. I felt so loved during this pregnancy. And I know I'm blessed. I'm trying to be as optimistic as I can, but it aren't easy either.. 😆 

Well below are my pregnancy symptoms 

1) Morning sickness / nausea 

- its finally settling down..or probably I've caught the pattern.. I know that a good 姜母茶 wil help me if im really feeling terrible. And I try to eat every 2-3 hrs just to make sure the stomach isn't empty

2) work

- I've started to work a bit..yeah.. else at this rate I wil feel so useless.. lol.. bit by bit but ill get there 

3) exercise 

- I did some swimming with the twins yday. It was good to have some energy to spend time with them; doing what they like..instead of always cooping at home. Hopefully I can get back to exercising more 

4) weight gain 

I've gain abt 3kg since the start of this pregnancy 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I kbow that William and joy has gained 6 and 4kg respectively.. lol..not sure abt the twins.. at this rate william going to gain back what he has shed ! Lol.. 

5) Cravings 

- this is definitely William's taste bugs..lol..food that i previously would never eat, have since brought me joy when I was 🤢

While milk like my fav korean banana milk..I haven't been able to drink it anymore 😭

My favourite type of coffee is no longer dalgona or cappuccino but kopi O iced ! 

Each time william asked me what would I like for lunch / dinner, my typical reply back to him nowadays would b.. what would u like sir? Hahahaha.. 

Thankful for the sweet 🎁 that im carrying now..  praying that God pulls us thru it all this journey. Praying that I would try to face each day with positivity bocz P.A.C.E