Lena @ work

Have been trying so desperately to nap for the past hr but the brain is so active while the body is half dead..lol..

Today has been a purposeful day coz I did the dishes voluntarily when I came home..haha..its nothing big to announce, but in my world, it is an achievement unlocked (coz dishes is one of my hated chores). Have been making a deliberate attempt to do the dishes this week just bcoz. No expectations. Just doing it so that the man has 1 less task to do in his mountain of chores. It's part of my own self improvement list that I hope to achieve, and it does help make me feel better when I think in this perspective.

Went for 3 appts at 830am; 1030 and 1230. Going for another 2 tonight at 7pm and 830. Thus both J and my man has been pushing me home to catch a nap before my evening appts. I enjoy having appts in the morning not bcoz I'm a morning person but bcoz I prefer to keep my evenings free for family or other client appts that cant make it otherwise.

Thankful that this week has been a packed week. I still very much enjoy the work I do, thankfully. Went for the mdrt conference that day and one of the speakers said this which I find v meaningful.

"The purpose of what you are doing must be bigger than yr pain. If you see no purpose, then it is meaningless"

Indeed, it made me remember of my initial purpose of being an adviser, Why I join and why I still feel necessary for everyone (rich or poor) to look at financial planning.

Gotten crawl out of bed to prepare for my evening appts. May God grant me the wisdom and energy to go thru the evening appts.. amen!

Time (with them) matters

Sitting opposite my Joy, not bcoz I needed to supervise her doing homework but bcoz I wanted to support her in spirit. I asked her if she would prefer that I just go to the living room and read my papers so that she could concentrate 101%, of which she said nope. She preferred me to be around so that we could chit chat while she does her corrections. It's the final sprint towards the major/dreaded/overhyped exam - PSLE.

Honestly it doesn't matter to us what score she gets. Just that day I was telling my other mummy kakis that we are going to have a whole week of feasting and partying coming NDP, not forgetting watching the NDP show on tv (coz we haven't been successful in ticket balloting), they look at me as though I was from a different planet.

"No TV / outing for the entire long hols bcoz its PSLE!" - exclaimed my kakis

I was shocked. How could anyone not watch the NDP show since it's only once a yr!?? I know my kids are looking forward to watching it and being couch potatoes and chilling together.. hahaha..

I'm glad I'm not in the "exam rat race". Their reply was their kid is not Joy. But trust me, even if it's the twins, I would adopt the same parenting style. 

Anyway I've digressed coz the tween has been distracting me with her school gossips that I find it hard to concentrate in my entry.

I spend the entire fri night with her, our phones switched off and we chatted the night away. Eventually she slept together with me bcoz she misses the 1-to-1 attention. I obliged. It was nice to just catch up on her "world news" and concentrate on her alone. Hopefully this would top up her love tank so that when she finds the revision gruelling, she will always come back to us and confide in us. It's important to talk to our kids n look them in the eye and just let all other things pause. Becoz nothing else matters more right.

I've also started the habit of not looking at my phone while in the car. It definitely was a habit hard to keep but it was for the bigger good. Either I could participate in the little chats or I could just recharge. 

Spoke to uncle choo last night. We both agreed that I cut down on my work in the coming weeks just so that I could provide the emotional support to her/girls. Girls are a complicated creature. They think too much especially when their school is a girls school..too much bitching and emo emo stuff. Better do regular checks/reviews so that we are kept up to date with their growing.

"No one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care." Its what I firmly believe and hope to practise, be it in my family, my work or circle of influence.

Change for the better

I did something that I usually wont do.. which is to come attend this convention by myself -alone. Had gotten tickets for this event thru the company lucky draw.. and there was the huge inertia to crawl out of bed and come here and risk either bumping into those 半熟的 colleagues/ ex colleagues.. haiz.. but I've always wanted to attend the real one at US. Registered for that before but cancelled it coz there was the pig flu many yrs ago and I didnt wanna risk spreading it to my little baby when I came back. Thus, I'm here today since it's free and I pray that I could just sit alone and zen and b invisible. Had alrdy sighted a few ex colleagues but yes, hopefully thats it. I can pull it thru..

Change is uncomfortable. Change is for the better. I can do this lah..

Update: Its almost at the end of the day. It has been an enriching experience. I'm glad I came, despite the inertia. Thankfulness. 

Venting

This is a venting post so be prepared.

Me: "So, can u tell me why u are standing for (committee) again?"

《Silence》

I know he's pissed/frustrated at me for asking. But I'm disappointed that he has chosen to stand for it again. AGM is Tom. 6mths ago, he was the one who was saying that after the 1yr, he would step down and bow out of it. Then few mths later, his stance change to "if he could, he would step down.." then to this couple of weeks " I would stand for another yr, just so that the impt/major things are ironed out...."

And all these were made without consulting me or the kids. Joy is clearly unhappy. She complained to me yday night. The girls were alone at home (again) bcoz his committee had a last min meeting and I happened to have a review appt which had over run. By the time I reach home, it was 9pm. I hugged the twins and chatted with them for half hr before letting them go to bed. Then chatted with the teenager til 10. It's a mum's guilt I guess. When I need to work and my kids are home alone. I hate it. Thus, I let them have a late bedtime yday.

I hated it that the family is compromised becoz of his CCAs. As much as I try to be the supportive wife, I cant. As much as I try, I cant. Especially when I just realize that this is going to go on for another yr. He says that he hopes I can see it from his perspective. But no, I cant. I tried. It's not like I never try. For the last few mths, as long as enough notice was given and he had to attend, I would block out the date and bring the girls out , with a peaceful heart.

Many thoughts went thru my mind before I blurted out that qn. It's a spiteful qn and I know it will pissed him off. But trust me, that was the most well packaged way I could think of, with a tinge of spitefulness. There were many other ways that were going thru my mind... like " I will quit my job tomorrow to be a homemaker. U can take on  whatever portfolio u want. I will take care of the kids." or "Pass me back the proxy form. I've decided to attend the meeting."

But I zipped my mouth n stopped those statements from coming out. (Trust me, I'm still tempted) There is no point in saying something to score that momentous goal but long term hurt. I know. Just venting.

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/pro.16.18.NIV

Update: I just wanna do a quick update since the AGM passed last weekend. He stepped down quietly during the meeting. I didnt think he would do it but I'm happy and thankful. Joy was delighted when she heard the news yday. I know he felt that he let his teammates downs by pulling out at the 11th hr. I told him that he can still be a helpful neighbour even if he wasnt part of the committee.  Anyway I'm glad that we didnt tear each other apart to have to reach to this. In fact, his teammates organized a farewell dinner for him last night. He brought the twins along while I spend some time alone with joy, my firstborn. I do enjoy "satellite parenting" where I can concentrate fully on each child. Happy week everyone!

July - the mth of feasting and celebrations

And so the feasting has started for my bday! With jiamin being the first stop! As always, she has graciously offered to cook lunch for both of us. Home cooked food and having the luxury to chat about anything and everything is what I really appreciate.. hahah.. as times passes, 真的能聊天的朋友真的不多。感恩有你们。

Photo by wanling..

其实这吧年龄了，生日和平日没两样。不求有个浪漫的庆祝，只希望家人都健康，能够每天看着小朋友慢慢地长大就很满足了。

So we went for an early lunch on my actual day before picking up the girls. Managed to try 探鱼 which I've wanted to try for the longest time but never got to doing it. Glad that the food was good.

I cried shortly after this shot. Was overwhelmed with emotions when I saw the surprise tiramisu. It has been a long time since he baked anything for me. This is like a cake he always bake when we were dating and I'm so grateful that we have gone such a long journey together. Praying that we both grow old together, that we be able to witness our girls growth over the years.

Went for HDL. And it wasn't even planned. Happened to pass by and the staff gave us some vouchers to entice us to come..hahaha.. it was their first time and uncle choo and I both agreed that it was definitely more affordable than beauty pot though we both preferred the soup there. The kids had so much fun there that the dinner lasted for 2hrs++ and by the time we reached home it was way past the kids bedtime. Thankful for all the blessings that I have. Thank God.

~~~~~~~~

We also went for movies a few days after my bday coz it was a school holiday. I wanted to watch toy story 4 so grace accompany me coz she isn't a action packed movie person. I'm glad we could split teams.. hahaha..

Team toy story 4 on the left and spiderman on the right

Joy took this using one of her camera apps and I really like how it turn out.

Happy family

We went to Jewel to do this after the movies..  haha.. fun packed day

I'm glad I did it with the girls.. hahaha.. coz uncle chickened out at the start. Maybe the bday resolution is to start saying "Why Not?" instead of NO moving forward 

Us

~~~~~~~~~

Lovely lunch treat with Syd.. glad that we are finally colleagues again after so many yrs

Still have a couple of lunch treats coming along in the coming weeks. Thankful for the friends who made the effort. Mayb I'm old liaoz.. hahaha.. tend to be more emo and thankful.. hahaha.. but yes, a thankful heart for all the blessings and wishes this July. May we all grow old and healthy and happy together. 😘

My slimming journey part 3

08.05.19
Weight: 73.3kg

And this starts the beginning of my last cycle. I have about 8 sessions left from previous, which I aim to use this for 1 mth before I go to Vancouver. Had lost 2.2kg since the last I left this place, to which I'm thankful.

Hoping that I can hit 65kg by the end of this.

18.7.19 

Obviously nothing happened between may til Vancouver and back. Wasnt disciplined enough to keep to the meal plan and decided to just indulge and enjoy myself a little. Came back finally after all the bday feasting 

Weight: 72.8 kg

Although it seems that I've dropped since may but the truth is I've actually gained abt 1 kg since my lowest. I think each time I dropped to 71.9, I tend to be too happy with it and start over indulging in cakes and comfort food. 

Have decided to come back and finish the last of the few sessions. Praying that God will guide me thru and give me the discipline to persevere. 

26.7.19

Weight: 71.9 kg 

Gain/loss : -900gram 

Doing it once a week all the way til end Aug. Hopefully I can finally touch 65kg by then!

1.8.19

Weight: 72.1kg

Gain/loss: 400gram

Had too much carbs and ketchup chips last week. Too much feasting last week and I was too "happy" with below 72 that I enjoyed too much.. haiz..

8.8.19

Weight:72.1kg

I was shocked when I weigh myself this morning. Had expected to lose at least half a kg if not 1. Probably bcoz I had too much shabu shabu last night even though I had ate v cleanly over the last week. Decided to take a break. Probably will keep the last few sessions for maintainence ba. Mayb I'm just not as motivated now. And I doesn't want the weight to keep affecting me like that. 

Overall I'm still v much thankful for all the weight loss la. But this shall be it. Hahahaha. 

Went for lor mee this morning for breakfast. So happy!

Devotion

Prayers to Break Strongholds

What seeds have you been planting into the soil of your life? At times I’ve planted the wrong seeds into my heart and allowed woundedness, wrong thinking, bitterness, and even sin to take root, not realizing an unwanted harvest would result. Other times I thought I was planting good into my life, yet I allowed bad things to take root, with not great results. Then there were the times the enemy himself sprinkled seeds of doubt and faithlessness into my seeds of faith, hope, and love. The resulting crop was unexpected, because I hadn’t realized the enemy had been in my garden, and I soon discovered the enemy’s tares were difficult to weed.

Maybe you can relate. As you look at the state of the garden of your heart, maybe you see that unwanted weeds, or strongholds, have taken root. This is not the garden you intended to plant, and now you are at a loss about how to repair your crop. The apostle Paul, in Galatians 6:7–8, talks about this problem. He says, “Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you’ll harvest. If you plant in the soil of your corrupt nature, you will harvest destruction. But if you plant in the soil of your spiritual nature, you will harvest everlasting life.” 

A stronghold is when the enemy’s seeds of anger, self-pity, a poverty mindset, lies, shame, depression, grief, confusion, addiction, lust, laziness, and pride result in a harvest of sin, ineffectiveness, endless struggles, failures, and even fatigue, pain, and illness. Some of these strongholds we planted ourselves through ignorance, bitterness, hate, woundedness, or confusion. Other strongholds have taken root through the work of the enemy, who sowed trauma, difficulties, grief, and wrongs committed against us into our lives.

However these strongholds came to be, we can use prayer to weed them from our hearts. In fact, prayer can act as a sort of spiritual weed killer to poison their very roots. When it comes to our hearts, we must protect the flowers and kill the weeds.

Pray with me: Father, demolish any stronghold that holds captive my heart and mind and place within me the seeds of your choosing. I desire my life to be used to bring forth the goodness and majesty of your Word. In Jesus’s name and through the power of His blood, amen. 
Source: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/15577/day/3?ret=1

Started a reading plan recently and haven't been keeping up to it religiously. But the msg that I read today happens to be so on point to what I'm feeling now at this moment. So decided to pen it down so that I would remember.. planting the right seeds and that in all ways, pray and seek God. Ask him to remove all the weeds in our lives, that all the harmful thoughts like anger, jealousy, fear be removed. In Jesus name I pray, amen!