It's one of those days when everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's becoz of the frequent bickering among the girls.. but it's so overwhelming for me last night..that when joy threw another of her "the world owes me" black face during dinner time , I was exhausted. I stood up and said I had enough. I had no appetite for dinner and went to the room. I was exhuasted. And her non appreciative attitude was the last straw for me. I gave up.
Maybe God shld nt have made me their mom. Maybe He should have given them a more capable mummy who could cook and still parent and even work. I was struggling with managing joy and her tween behaviour.. struggling with her "Why muz it be me attitude; her y do we have twins attitude? Or simply y can't mummy be juz mine only ?" And it's definitely not helping when most of her BFFs are only child.. I feel so overwhelmed even thinking of what happened last night.. like can I pray to God that perhaps I could ask for another clone of me?
It's like another dimensional shift towards parenting..where's the textbook guide for level 3? What should be the model answers to parenting? It's not juz making sure they eat and sleep well.. not only making sure they do their homework.. but also making sure they grow up to b of gd character. To have empathy for others. To make sure that their world doesn't comprises of them alone only but to care enough for their family and strangers as well. No one told me that parenting was this hard. Perhaps if anyone told me, I won't have sign up for this.
Praying to God for wisdom to overcome the obstacles ahead, for strength and stamina and faith to carry forward . I believe that all these will come to past one day, and all these are part of training to be a better me. In the meantime, pls God help me along..
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