Day 3

Had a bit of time in the afternoon after the visit to the PD in the morning. Fed Joash his meds before I went to have lunch with the twins and send them to tuition.

I decided to have dinner out with the girls so that our helper only need to jaga the sick boy and his dinner. Boy will b at home the whole of this week coz he had diarrhoea and I 不放心 the school will do a good job in checking and cleaning. 

Tried to arrange for some work appts for the next few weeks. Also deleted the game that I was obsessed with for the last few mths! And suddenly I felt that I have a lot of time! Hahahaha… 

Even managed to spend some time in the library to pick up some books for myself and Joash..

Decluttering is one of the things I wanna work on, to live with lesser things. I also recently downloaded an income and expenses app! The amt I spend on food/snacks is scary! Omg ! Didn’t realize it until I put it in writing. 

While waiting for time to pass at the Starbucks this morning. The wait time was 2hrs+ but we survived!

Night times are most stressful for me. I pray that it will get better in time to come. 😜

Day 2

Last night was bad. Joash woke up at 3am and only zz 2hrs later after I screamed at him. 🥹🥹 The thought of bringing him for a car ride did cross my mind but I’m afraid of it’s repercussions. He is obviously bullying me and the helper. Haiz…felt really bad that I was incompetent to make him zzz. That I had to resort to violence or scolding. And even after that I hardly zzz coz it was really too squeeze for 3 pax on the bed. He woke up at 7, and vera hug him to zzz so that I could have more space. They woke up by 9 and she took the morning shift while I zz for a while longer. I’m thankful for her, such is the merits of having a highly sensitive child I guess. Never saw it as a virtue until last yr. 

Had wanted to bring them to the outdoor water play but helper says that Joash seems to have diarrhoea and soft poop which means we are grounded. Gave him some meds. Will bring him to the pd and most likely no sch😭😭😭

人老了。每当需要熬夜，隔天起来不管睡多少都觉得不够。 Finally understood why uncle pig always rejected my proposals for weekend excursions bcoz he’s always too tired from all the night duties. 

Had lunch at home before bringing the two girls out to study. 

As much as I wanna take a nap, I know Joash wouldn’t zzz if I’m around. And vera definitely is more well behaved studying outside. So here we are. 

Day 1 of solo parenting

Day 1 went by pretty smoothly. The boy only woke up at 6am, had his milk and we both zzz on my bed til 830am. (Never has he managed to successfully co sleep with me on my bed)

Since both of us were feeling quite energetic, I decided to bring the twins and him to River Wonders. The original intention was the zoo but decided not to overkill myself just on the first day of the week. 

The excursion went pretty well. I’m not sure if it’s bcoz Joash was around, but for the first time, I honestly felt that the twins were of good help on the trip. Each took turns to either push the pram or carry the diaper bag or carry the boy so that he could see the animals in sight. I didn’t do much besides the driving. 

River wonders is my favourite place out of the 4 parks, bcoz it’s mostly sheltered and air con! So even if the weather isn’t good, we will be fine! 

Didn’t manage to capture a pic of the kids with the real pandas today but it’s fine. I can bring them along another day, even if William isn’t around. 

Had a bit of delay on the way back coz I needed to update my IU since I just renewed my annual pass. The whole office was flooded with people. Just as I was abt to give up on the wait, Grace managed to speak to one of the counter staff who kindly helped us, even though we missed our queue number long ago. (I think the staff gave chance bcoz Grace was a kid.. hahah)

#proudmama 

Both girls are special in their own ways and I also took the chance to explain to Vera during our night chat just now. Told her that I can be very 放心 to leave didi and her alone at home, or bring both of them out anytime. She is a good caregiver. She has the heart and patience for her little bro. However she is struggling academically. 

Grace on the other hand, has a strong understanding in her studies. She hardly revises her work, but becoz she’s smart, she understands the concepts easily. At least academically la.. and never afraid to speak up for her little sister. But she isn’t strong in caring for her little bro. They fight nowadays. Lol.. coz both wants the same thing and neither wants to budge. 

Took the twins out in the afternoon coz grace needed to borrow some books while I wanted to go thru some math revision with Vera. 

I never thought that our r/S would improve by so much. If you asked me a year ago, I probably would feel uneasy if she says she wanna follow me home instead of following grace to do a sleepover at my mom’s place. But today when she said it, I felt 

at peace. 

Thankful 🥹 

Just spend some time chit chatting with the teenager who only reached home at 11pm. Gotten remind myself to chat with her more frequently. Quite irked that I had to wait for her today who Clearly forgotten to apply for late extension or bring her keys. But glad I didn’t jump at her but took some time to hear her day.

Feeling really fulfilled by how today went. Really thankful for God’s covering upon me. 

Praying that Joash and I can zzz well tonight coz Vera is co sleeping with us tonight. And she is loud 🤦‍♀️

Emo

Took a nap right after my afternoon appt and felt so awake. Last few days my sleep has been so bad coz Joash hasn’t been sleeping well and my appts were mostly back to back. Not sure if it’s a good thing to be so awake coz the reality that Uncle Pig is flying off (tonight) finally hit me. I felt so lousy and depressed. Emo max.. haiz.. 

I keep reminding myself I’ll see him by the time I bring the kids to church again. But somehow I feel so insecure and handicapped now. Even the realisation that Tues is a sch day for Joash fail to give much comfort. 

This too shall pass. 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.41.10.NIV

Highly irritable

Snapped at uncle pig several times this morning. We all knew what’s going on. His coming trip is subconsciously causing my irritable behaviour. I manage to catch it but as much as I try, I still end up handling a few blows to him. 

Work has been hectic. Honestly I don’t know how I’m going to manage the household without him. Trying to work “light” for the coming week so that I could catch up on my sleep if the night duties become horrible.

Joash has been sleeping really badly this couple of weeks. There were nights where he would wake up at 4am and that’s it. Not sleeping anymore. Both of us either wake up trying 101 ways to coax him back to zzz; or if that fails then one of us would jaga him til daylight while the other zz. But honestly, I don’t know how many nights we could continue doing this. 

I wished I could be the supportive wife and hold the fort confidently while he travels in peace. Clearly, this isn’t my strength. And by having this peace abt it, I’m thankful by how much I’ve grown to accept that we all have our own strengths and flaws. This is clearly not my strength but so be it.

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭3‬:‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.3.3.NIV

Exciting Times

Enjoying my cup of comfort while waiting for the twins to arrive. We are going to watch Mario later - as an early bday treat. 

It’s been a while since we got back from Istanbul. The trip was nice but exhuasting. Joash kept crying on the flight back and I know William was at wits end by the end of it. Two days after the flight Joash had high fever and flu. Thankfully it wasn’t influenza or the more scary diseases but it was still mad exhaustion. We concluded by then, that we probably don’t wanna do another long haul trip with Joash in the near future. Either I fly alone or I bring my mom. Else I just don’t go. Haven’t quite decide what I want to do with my Athens trip. 

Had brunch with old friends this morning. Even though we hardly met, it’s like never ending topics to chat about. 

Old friends are precious bcoz they were found when things wasn’t complicated. When we were young and struggling. Hahaha.. no agenda, no complications and a single look says everything that’s needed. 一起哭过、一起笑着的朋友。 Friends who I can 掏心掏肺 without judgment or fear of affecting their emotional state. 

Going thru some major changes in my work. Exciting challenges ahead. Praying for God’s wisdom and strength thru this new phrase. 

“But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.”

‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭3‬:‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/2th.3.3.NIV

In the air

1.5hrs before we finally land in Istanbul. I think it’s most likely that we are going to miss the connections. 

Nonetheless I’m thankful that this flight went passed pretty smoothly. Joash behaved a lot better on this long haul, thank God! 

For someone who doesn’t really enjoy traveling, I certainly have a lot of trips coming up. Pre Covid, my goals have been to always bring my loved ones on the trips that I qualify. That’s why I brought Dowager to Iceland in Feb and the two men for Istanbul. 

Istanbul and the hot air balloon are something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. Missed out on a trip to Istanbul when I was studying in the Netherlands and when the chance came up again this yr, I just wanted to come visit this place rich of Islamic + European culture. 

Praying for journey mercy for the rest of the journey. Not sure how our luggages and flights would end up to be, but God is in control. Taking my time to enjoy the peace and serenity of this trip. It’s only that many years where Joash can still travel with us without skipping MOE curriculum. 

Not sure why breakfast is served at this timing when it’s 3pm Turkish timing and 8pm sg timing. But since boy is eating well, so be it.

I’m thankful that the job allows me to bring my family along for the trips. That I don’t need to plan much for the trips and we are always well taken care of.

Update: and we did missed our connecting flight. We made a run for it upon landing but The terminal was too big. We tried our best but by the time we reached the gate, the gate was for another flight. Had to walk all the way back to the transfer desk to repurchase our plane tickets. 

Went to Burger King for our dinner before going to the gates for boarding. 

I guess sometimes things don’t happen the way we want all the time. It’s how we react to such situations that make it an enriching journey. I’m thankful that I’m together with these two men. 

Waiting for the plane to start it’s magic. Last min booking means sitting all the way back and window seats. But it’s okie. I’m w my most favourite men. I screwed up and they continued this with me. I’m thankful.