心魔

The last week has been bad. Joash probably woke up at least twice every night. Today he woke up at 2 and finally at 5, decided he was done. The night before, he woke up twice but eventually we slept in til 7 before sending him to school. 

Days like that I just can’t make myself go to the gym. Sometimes it’s hard to explain to the people there that it’s hard to manage 4 kids + have an actual job and still workout. They feel that it’s all excuses 😳 . Well, yes and no. But sometimes it’s tiring trying. And majority of them have no kids, or kids who are much older. 

Anyway, sometimes it’s not so much what they say, but more of what I think they say which is triggering.. lol.. or mayb the lack of zzz is simply triggering la. 

Just like today, despite the craziness, I finally crawled there. A member asked why I wasn’t there yday, and I simply replied “coz I overslept. And why did I appear today? Coz I haven’t zzz yet!” .. 🤣🤣🤣 

I’m sure what I said was triggering too but I’m just too tired or can’t be bothered. And of coz my mind hasn’t been kind to me too. It probably poisoned my thoughts too. Then there were the comments where I posted abt eating Joash leftovers, which the only people that commented were the people from the gym lo..🫠🫠🫠  I’m sure people with no kids, they can choose what they want to eat, or even if they have, they can always throw away the leftovers. It’s just me lo.. 

Anyway despite it all, I was glad that I still went for my gym, did my pretty lashes and went for a work appt. At least my day was full til late afternoon. Cried myself to nap coz today’s her 20th death anniversary. 

时间过得好快。我很想你。你过得好吗？我已经不记得很多关于我们一起走过的日子。今天本想去看看你，可是我已经不是很记得你葬在哪了。Vera Huang Yan Ying, 我要记得你的名字。