Nostalgic Times

Enjoying my freeeeee day today and feeling so relieved that all the appts got postponed! (J says tat I'm the only person she knows who's delighted to have appts flew.. hahaha) But its nice to have a breather, esp when the last few weeks were always packed to the brim (though not all are work related) Finally a time for me to go thru my thoughts, have some quiet time and also finish up my outstanding to do list.

Met up with 2 separate ex-colleagues this week... friends from ancient times.. lol.. times when we cried together, times when training was hard. The first lady left the industry to focus on her other biz and the last we saw each other was at PCK's wedding, which was many years ago. It was nice to see her again, we talked a little abt our firstborn and how both of them are taking their O levels this year. It just seem yday when we met up with our babies at bugis..hahaha.. nostalgic times. I'm glad to see her again, coz we drifted - we were all busy + there were some misunderstandings back then (which I dont think either of us can rem the details now) . Told J that i probably should organize a small gathering among the few of us.. those days were precious memories to me.. and mayb its really old age, that you start to treasure the people who made major footprints in my life back then.

The other lady left the industry very early on. Met the love of her life, and migrated to NL. We meet up once a while when she comes back to SG to visit her family and friends. I always say that i should visit her whenever I travel to Europe, but somehow the logistics make it hard..hahaha.. will see if I can do it this couple of years. 

I think I'm at the stage where I see some of the decisions me and my peers made back then, and how it affects us now.. I'm not saying who's right or who's wrong coz at the end of the day, we make our own choices and we live by it. It kinda reminds me that whatever I choose to do or not to do now, will also bounce and hit me in my face 10 years later..hahaha.. i know its chim, but ya, praying that God give me wisdom to make the right choices and that I wouldn't stray away from the light. 

Anyway, in other news! We celebrated Joash 2nd bday last few days. Seem surreal that he's finally become 2! I'm reminded recently that I'm blessed to have him, that he is truly God's sent! Thankful for the precious gift and at the same time praying that he start to sleep properly at night! Please God, let him zzz thru from 9-7am and i'll be so grateful. Been feeling so zonk out coz he wakes up at 1-2 times every night and only wants me.. bahahahaha.. no I do not need to feel "preferred" in that sense. 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. - Colossians 3:12 

Proud mama

This is alrdy the second cup of paid coffee outside today.. hahaha.. so much abt paying for only 3 cups a week. Let’s see how the rest of this week goes. 

Woke up super early today coz we had to attend Joy’s student leader investiture. Proud moment for her and us. Glad that she’s enjoying her secondary sch life, thankful that the school has transformed her to be the independent, responsible leader she is now. #proudmamamoment

She wasn’t always enjoying her secondary sch life. The first year was hard, and there were a lot of adjustments to be made. Im glad she pulled thru. Fast forward and now she’s enjoying every moment of her final year in MGS. By the end of the ceremony, I was tempted to put the twins in this sch, if their results permit. But I’m haunted by how far the sch is.. hahaha.. we shall see how they fare. I know God has plans for them, in His own special way. 

Still waiting for my 11am appt but I’m so sleepy now. Omg.. it’s always the first appt that give me the jitters. 

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/2co.12.9.NIV

Less is More

Met two girlfriends for dinner after a long day. I felt like I’ve talk so much the entire day. 

Upon arriving, one gf was just saying that she finally managed to get a bag from the famous H brand, despite it not being the design or range she had wanted. She had after all, just returned from Europe. The other gf was saying that she had to queue for 2hrs just to enter the store in Paris and despite buying some accessories there many years ago (coz I’ve heard this story so many times 😝), she is still on “the waitlist”. And even a recent visit to that same shop to replace the battery for her watch also meant having to queue for more than an hr just to do this errand. 

I was speechless. Have we all become blinded by the brand? Or slaves to it? I almost fell into this trap too, at the Istanbul airport when an SA offered me the same bag!! (that my gf is proudly talking abt now). I wasn’t keen to get it though it did crossed my mind. Entered the shop to help a friend c if there was any chance of getting the prized possession for her bday. (I wanted to clock miles, so that’s why I’m helping all my friends get their bags / luxury goods). And honestly, in the weeks that followed after the trip, I too, became so obsessed of wanting to own one! But thankfully, I stumbled upon a few articles which made me snapped out of it. So thankful man!! Lol… 

Anyway back to my story.. so at the dinner, I could see how both my gfs were proudly displaying their respective “status” and the things they needed to do in order to be on top of the list etc. Really seems like 包包的奴隶。And they are not the only ones, let’s be honest. The whole world is promoting it, via influencers, social media and advertising where one needs MORE & MORE. It’s never enough. Like why we definitely need to get another of this or another of that, and it really doesn’t matter what price it is at, as long as it’s from a particular brand etc

Glad that I snapped out of this rat race. Not loving leather goods coz they make carrying my work stuff so heavy. In fact I’ve arranged for a secondhand store to pick up my bags coz I would very much like to sell them. Loving my current light snoopy cloth bag.

New challenges

都不知道自己在紧张什么，只不过是待会儿会和两个认识很久的同事喝个咖啡聊一聊。 昨晚整夜都睡不好，很guazhang 吧。🤣🤣🤣

They have requested to change over to my team and I’m not sure if I will be able to live up to their expectations. After all, I do feel that their existing team leader is an amazing leader as well. Anyway thought we meet up so that we could have a quick chat on what they expect vs what I have in mind. I do have a few things on my mind on how I can help my team mates, but I’m not sure if it would be suffice. 

Anyway, I’ve decided to embark on an exciting role, coming June. And it’s been announced to the mgmt as of yday. But even before that, I’ve alrdy got a small glimpse of the potential drama that’s going to follow. Thought I take this chance to list down the reasons why despite everything, I’ve decided to take up the challenging role. 

1. Growth

- As much as I enjoy my advisory work (I still do and don’t intend to stop), I don’t feel much growth, especially in the last few years. I do enjoy coaching the younger advisers, and to give back to the system. After all, I learnt everything from there. 

2. Gap

- I do feel a gap between what was taught at the trainings vs what was grasped by most of these younger advisers. And I hope I can bridge the gap. Make it easier for them to undertake, so that they can relate the info easier to their clients and not find this career a struggle. 

3. Leaving a legacy

- I probably wanna retire in the next 10yrs and I do hope that by then, I would have helped advisers achieve much more than I’ve ever done for my own personal sales. After all, the true mark of a great mentor is when her own mentees achieve greater heights than her. That’s the beauty of our industry and our firm. Never stingy on advice and we just want everyone to achieve their fullest potential possible and live life without regrets. 

4. Living life without regrets

- I don’t wanna end my life regretting that I’ve never done “xxx” or “yyy”. Mayb it’s a mid life crisis but at this moment in time, I do want to impact / help as many people as I can. And when I grow old, I can tell my kids that I’ve tried all the things I’ve wanted to, and be it fail or success, I’ve no regrets. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/pro.3.5-6.NIV

Decluttering

Following my post on minimalism, I decided that 2023 will be the year where I want to declutter a few areas of my life:

1. Food 

- Realize after doing 2 weeks of my expenses that I/my household simply spend too much on food. And I’m not even talking abt proper meals. I’m referring to the occasional kopi break ; tea snack; cakes and pastries that I can every now and then. All these adds up. Also going to cut down on the number of cups of coffee I buy outside. I used to get a cup every time we are out. So for now, I’ll reduce it to 3x a week and eventually to none outside. 

2. Bags 

- Going to sell some of my recent purchases coz I realize that I don’t enjoy carrying leather bags. They are too heavy when I put a laptop and iPad in. Yes they are pretty. But I don’t need them to validate anything. Getting rid of the old stash as well. Going to sort them out this weekend.

I do enjoy such cute bags a lot more to be honest. Lightweight with lots of pockets. 

I think that’s the two main areas I wanna focus on for now. 

Why do I wanna do this? 

Knowing the why is v impt. Coz it helps to remind me why I’m going thru this and what I’ll see at the end of the (rewarding) journey. 

1) Less clutter; lesser things to store and lesser things to clean up 

2) lesser calories 😝

- truth be told, the twins have gained so much weight in the last few years. And as much as I dote on them and wanna let them try all the super nice desserts / food; it’s not helping them in their self esteem or waistline. Mayb instead of an indulgent snack every now and then, we should go do an exercise instead!

(Easier said then done but we will get there!)

3) self discipline 

- I think it’s a mental exercise for me. To cultivate the habit of self discipline. To exercise the mental resistance.. haha. Chim hor.. but I do feel that every now and then, money slips out ever so easily and it’s not even going to things that we notice. And what happens? We end up needing to work MORE in order to provide for what we think is necessary. But what if we can live with less than necessary, and then we can save MORE or work LESSER ? 

Okie I’ve reached the office. It was a struggle to walk past all the coffee shops and not get a kopi or atas coffee. 

Yeah to small wins! 

Day 6-7

He’s finally home! For which I’m thankful. 

Last night was bad coz Joash woke up at 430am again and both of us didn’t zzz until the helper woke up at 6. I tried all ways to make him zzz, but in the end, we just ate some strawberry Swiss roll from our dear Angela yiyi; had 1 banana and some milk. 

I went to nap at 6ish and I think Joash also went for a pram ride at abt 8. We both woke up at 830 and he was super super sticky. So I just brought him to do all my drop offs today. 

Dropped vera at amk at 9am; went to bishan to collect some stuff. 

Had some fun at the nearby playground while waiting

Boy refused to give up his seat when he was at my friend’s place! 

Went back to pick vera from her art class. Boy started to cry on the way there coz he accidentally dropped his chou chou. Continued to cry all the way from AMK till we reach Grace swim school. 

By lunchtime all of us were exhuasted. Had lunch, showered him and off he went for another pram ride. I wanted to take a nap but the girls kept asking a lot of questions or talking real loudly. Joash barely zzz on his pram ride and was awaken by his annoying sisters.. argh.. I know right!!

In the end he slept on my chest for 2 full hrs. Tired right.. why u don’t wanna zzz at nigh?

Anyway finally uncle pig arrived at our door step at 430pm. I’m glad. He took the girls to church and jaga the boy while I finally had some rest. 

Praying that now that Uncle pig is back, our little man wouldn’t wake up every night. When I was in Iceland , he simply slept thru the whole entire time other than the first night ! 

So glad that Tom is still a weekend so that I can catch up on my zzz. He says he’s bringing the kids out for bf.. pls go without me! Hahahah.. so glad this is over. I surprised myself by how much I did this week. There were days where time went pass in a blur and the severe sleep deprivation left to crazy eating. But there were good days where we really spend time tog with each kid. Just need to start focusing my time with grace coz I think she is often the neglected middle child. Don’t get any attention from parents coz she doesn’t need help academically; always hide in the room buried in her books etc. my goal this week is to spend some one on one time with her. 

Day 5

 Joash slept til 930am this morning but this was with a 2hr interval from 4-6am. I was so hungover this morning that I scrapped the zoo excursion. Mayb I’ll do it on Sunday. So angry with myself for not being able to let him zzz properly. Decided to let him go sch today since his diarrhoea was cleared. But the moment he left, the moms guilt overwhelmed me. Oh man! Why is it so difficult to b a mom!! Why don’t dads have this issue? 

Promised myself that I’ll pick him up once I end my zoom call in the afternoon. Picked him at 4 and by dinner time I was kinda questioning my life choices liaoz.. haiz.. 穿牛角尖的女人很麻烦。可以对自己好一点吗？

Bcoz of the solo parenting plus severe lack of sleep, I ended up eating so much carbs this week. Even had a huge cup of ice cream after I made him zz today.

Couldn’t quite decide if I should let him continue sleeping here and me having interrupted sleep or putting him back to his cot and missing out on all the night cuddles. I know I’m problematic and I wish life was as easy as 1-2-3! 

I wanted to confirm my Japan flights for mar next year but on the other hand I’m worried that the helper wouldn’t b able to manage Joash all by herself. Esp when he’s a night terror. Anyway shall wait til the man is back. I know he has booked the accoms but aiya free cancellation.

Day 4

Suddenly seems that the day passes so fast and uncle pig is coming back in another 3days!! Woohoo! Or mayb bcoz I was out the entire day so time seems to fly even faster.. hahaha

Had work discussions in the morning and I’m glad that alls sorted out. At least there is clarity now. Had to rush to Novena to go for Joy’s medical appt with NSC. We probably spend 3hrs there and then I had to rush back to office to take a zoom call while she did some revisions in the office. 

We had dinner at the Korean restaurant nearby. I feel so blessed that I’m reaping the rewards / ROI of my kids when she was cooking the whole entire time. Just waiting for the time when she’s going to start paying for the meals and giving me an allowance.. hahahaha.. glad that we spend some time together to hear abt her student life and her new collection of friends. 

Came home and saw that Joash wasn’t asleep yet so I volunteered to do the closing. I actually missed him so much today and the many times I went to check on the cctv I couldn’t find him in sight. The helper says he has been staying in her room watching her do ironing. 

Joy entertained the little boy while I took a shower. 

Finally no early morning drop offs for the next 2days. I pray that Joash zzz thru til 9am! If that happens, maybe we will do a short excursion tomorrow. And this wraps up today!

Me time

Source: Less Stuff by Lindsay Miles

I only managed to read chapter 1 today coz I got distracted with my phone. But I just wanna pen my thoughts for the future me now. 

This reminds me of what JM spoke earlier abt “帐单自由”. In my trade, we all know that it’s never abt how much we earn but how much we save. One can earn sky high but becoz of poor financial decisions end up not saving even a penny. And there are others who have humble jobs but the savings they have in their bank are jaw dropping! Note to self: Don’t be caught up by the brands in the world. There isn’t a need to buy anything just to prove that I’ve made it. Learn to live with less. Be contented with what I have. It’s sad if I need to buy more to make myself happier and in order to afford that kind of lifestyle I need to work longer and thus be more stressed and more unhappy? Work should b challenging and fulfilling not stressful and unhappy.

Does the clothes/shoes/bags I use reflect the status I am or are they a reflection of the slave I am?

Day 3

Had a bit of time in the afternoon after the visit to the PD in the morning. Fed Joash his meds before I went to have lunch with the twins and send them to tuition.

I decided to have dinner out with the girls so that our helper only need to jaga the sick boy and his dinner. Boy will b at home the whole of this week coz he had diarrhoea and I 不放心 the school will do a good job in checking and cleaning. 

Tried to arrange for some work appts for the next few weeks. Also deleted the game that I was obsessed with for the last few mths! And suddenly I felt that I have a lot of time! Hahahaha… 

Even managed to spend some time in the library to pick up some books for myself and Joash..

Decluttering is one of the things I wanna work on, to live with lesser things. I also recently downloaded an income and expenses app! The amt I spend on food/snacks is scary! Omg ! Didn’t realize it until I put it in writing. 

While waiting for time to pass at the Starbucks this morning. The wait time was 2hrs+ but we survived!

Night times are most stressful for me. I pray that it will get better in time to come. 😜

Day 2

Last night was bad. Joash woke up at 3am and only zz 2hrs later after I screamed at him. 🥹🥹 The thought of bringing him for a car ride did cross my mind but I’m afraid of it’s repercussions. He is obviously bullying me and the helper. Haiz…felt really bad that I was incompetent to make him zzz. That I had to resort to violence or scolding. And even after that I hardly zzz coz it was really too squeeze for 3 pax on the bed. He woke up at 7, and vera hug him to zzz so that I could have more space. They woke up by 9 and she took the morning shift while I zz for a while longer. I’m thankful for her, such is the merits of having a highly sensitive child I guess. Never saw it as a virtue until last yr. 

Had wanted to bring them to the outdoor water play but helper says that Joash seems to have diarrhoea and soft poop which means we are grounded. Gave him some meds. Will bring him to the pd and most likely no sch😭😭😭

人老了。每当需要熬夜，隔天起来不管睡多少都觉得不够。 Finally understood why uncle pig always rejected my proposals for weekend excursions bcoz he’s always too tired from all the night duties. 

Had lunch at home before bringing the two girls out to study. 

As much as I wanna take a nap, I know Joash wouldn’t zzz if I’m around. And vera definitely is more well behaved studying outside. So here we are.