Celebrating small wins 🥳

Today felt like an ordinary day. Our little man zzz from 8pm-430am; woke up and drank 180ml and went back to zzz… woke up again abt 7ish and we dropped joy at her tuition before we head for our breakfast. 

It seems ordinary but my heart is filled with thanksgiving. The fact that he slept thru the night, finished his milk and went on to drink a total of 800+ ml and 2 solids.. 

Joash tested negative for Covid.. so we could go out today.. hahaha… and the outdoor walks/ car rides did help me a lot. 

The 2 impt men in my life.. we had candy floss.. sweet fluffy kind.. 

Before 8pm, Joash has fallen asleep..it seems ordinary but it means so much to me. Bcoz he just zzz with William doing the usual closing..(not the baby carry / sleep on chest thing) 

Celebrating small wins, thankfulness. 🥳

Thank you God!

Bible verses

 “But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.43.1-3.NIV

Reminding myself that in every situation, our God is in control. He will not forsake us and He is with us, in every step of the way. 

Joash had a full meal for dinner tonight. We did purple carrot and it was sweet and he had his usual portion. At his closing feed, he refused to drink. I could hear William struggling to make him zzz. I went in and baby carried him and he went on to drink 150ml. I’m thankful coz I need him to drink more. But the fear of correcting the bad habits is real too. 

But for now, I will just surrender it to the Lord conpletely. He knows, and I pray that He will guide us thru our valleys. After all, He was the one who gave us Joash.

And now we wait

 

And now we wait. Wait for his pee before the doctor can discharge us. The little man is sick (again). Fever started on thur and he stopped drinking and eating. Didn’t zzz much that night and we send him to a pd on Friday. Our regular pd wasnt around so we had to send him to another one. 

That visit was bad. I will never go there again. The pd didn’t even take his temp and I felt that he was just prescribing a lot of meds and tests. The no drinking/feeding/sleeping continued for the next 24hrs. 

And by this morning, we decided to go to kkh. I was more afraid of dehydration and other problems esp since he took less than 300ml for the whole of Friday. His usual intake is 1000-1100ml. 

Just as we cleared the triage, I decided to give him a bottle. And he polished it straight! Went on to finish 300ml in that single feed !

不知道要哭还是笑. 

Just so thankful that at least he started drinking. The kkh doctor found an ulcer at the back of his throat which probably explains the fever and lack of feeding. 

And now we wait for his pee. The doctor is still worried that our little friend is dehydrated and he needs to pee first before we can go home.

- 2 hours later -

Little man is still not peeing. Doctor gave us 2 options : 

1) go home and feed and monitor input and output. 

2) admit and put on drip

I chose 1). We also did the Covid swab. Because if he needs to be swabbed, I rather it be done by kkh then anywhere else. 

And the swab took only 3 mins. And we are done (finally).

Heading home now and baby Joash, pls drink when we go home.

Update:

We came home and the little man had a small portion of cereal and a wet diaper and that was the end of our happy story.

Don’t want to feed/sleep/drink after that.. William brought him on a pram ride which made him zzz for 30 mins and that was it. We’ve even tried cold milk, ice etc.. the crying was heartbreaking and I wasn’t sure if I made the right choice for bringing him home. 

Even the carrier is out to make him zzz.. whatever pattern also can la.. showhand liaoz.. pls sleep a lot and drink a lot when u r well rested my dear boy..

L.O.V.E

About two weeks ago, Grace told me that she missed the One on one date we did last December and asked if we could do it again now that J is in ifc. I couldn’t find a reason to say no and thus began this week’s one on one date. 

Honestly, going out with her is comfortable. She is independent, reliable and her moods are stable. We went to Jewel, had lunch followed by a movie. It was nice to chit chat and check on this little girl and how this year, she made new friends and her current BFF is Kate and both of them are bookworms. 

And today I brought the other twin for her one on one. To be honest, I felt jittery for a few days. Because she isn’t as easy? Mayb 一物克一物，如果我是石头，那她一定就是我命中的布吧。

Thought we took the bus to PLQ instead of the train coz the latter would require us to change once. Bad choice coz she was whining throughout the bus ride.. haiz.. the morning barely started and I’m tired already. It was a lot of “I want this, I want that.” and by the time we finished our lunch and movie, I just wanted to go home.

Can see her sian face on the bus? Anyway I came home and took a nap and felt so much better. I wished I could be as comfortable with her as I am with her other two sisters. Maybe time will tell. Maybe I need more practice.  

Going on my date with Joy coming Monday. And that wraps up the Dec holidays and 2021.

Season for change

Some friends are like wine, the longer the friendship, the stronger it gets. Some friends, on the other hand, are only for a season. 

I don’t have many close friends to be honest. I’m not a friends keeper. I don’t make a lot of effort in maintaining relationships and I know it’s me, my fault. 

And now, seriously, I don’t have the time to even balance work, family and rest. Maintaining friendships or going out on dinner gatherings are really not my top priority. And I’m tired of trying to explain to my friends to be honest. It’s not like they don’t have kids too. They do, just that their kids are teenagers now and not in the needy phrase. So they have forgotten abt how tiring this stage is? It’s easy to say “need to correct J schedule la..” or things like “both of u need to sort it out else both of u will b tired exhuasted”… 😴😴😴 easy to say lo.. got more 建设型的solutions吗？

The thought that I’m going to meet them for dinner in a couple of hrs time is making me emo shit now.. argh.. coupled with the little sleep I had over the last 2 weeks.. rage I tell u.. I tried to zzz now but physically tired but mentally crazy.. 

I need to remind myself just to decline such gatherings politely in 2022. 

Update: the dinner didn’t go as bad as I thought it would be. There were some normal convo / updates on each other happenings. I did enjoy myself tonight. But when they suggested another gathering before end of the year, I declined politely. Told them at this juncture, I really need to catch up on my work and if there’s any spare time after that, it would have to all go to my family. 

There, i said it. And it wasn’t even as hard as I thought it would b. 

Rant

I’m dead tired. So is William, though he doesn’t say. The last 2 weeks, J has been waking up every hr once it cross midnight . Initially I thought it’s because he’s hungry but even after we feed him at 12am, he can continue to wake up at 1am, 2, 330,5am etc. I tried letting him zzz on our bed just so that we/ he could have a longer undisturbed sleep but even this didn’t help in any way. 

I don’t know how long this will last and seriously it’s going to be less than 3 weeks before school starts. 

I told William that mayb we should consider letting the twins share a room so that we can let the helper + J take the other room. He just replied “this is out of the question.” I told him I can’t function properly the next day when I can’t even have 5 hrs of sleep. He says he will take the night if it comes down to this. I can work. But honestly this isn’t healthy either. His health is not great. He hasn’t young anymore and his fainting episodes plus needing to ferry tue girls to sch etc.. 

I’m really out of solutions. I even considered hiring a part time nanny or another helper etc but all these were brushed away by him. 

Praying for strength and God’s wisdom on this. He has our backs. He knows and He will never give us too big a problem to handle. Reminded myself all these and praying and surrendering to Him. 

The lack of zzz has also led to crazy eating these two weeks.. argh.. that is another topic on its own. Oh well

Update: it’s 1230am and honestly, I’m waiting for the little fellow to start his “party”. I did try to zzz tonight but mayb im too stimulated that I can’t fall asleep! We increased his day feeds to 180ml today, and his fav diaper from the correct source arrived today. (I switched a diff source previously even though it’s the same brand) that’s the only 2 things we did differently today, plus a lot of PRAYERS!! Thank You God for answering our prayers! 

Hfmd

Recording J first (and hopefully last hfmd) episode so that we can always look back at this entry eventually and laugh.. 

How it started

Day 1

- woke up in the morning feeling feverish. Gave him some fever meds and it came down before coming back up at late afternoon. Last dose was at midnight.

Day 2

woke up with no fever though he kept crying on and off motn. He was also complaining quite loudly though we couldn’t understand his language 🤣

Send him to sch since he has no fever. I thought it probably was a random one day fever or teething fever. 

Sch called at 12pm saying that they found ulcers in his throat. Settled the twins at home before picking the little one and sending him to PD.

Certified hfmd and given 1 week mc

I said a silent prayer that God helps us tide this over. The 2 nights of fussing had been a toll on us and I dunno how we going to manage another 7days. Oh God.. I know hfmd was inevitable but I didn’t think it would b that early. 

I still had 2 zooms and both my clients could hear J cry loudly in the midst of it.. haiz.. William took most of the night duty bcoz I had an early morning zoom. 

Whatever way it takes, as long as u zzz

Day 3

His fav past time nowadays to try pluck the leaves of the Xmas 🎄 

Took over J once my zoom was done. Went to pick the twins from church and thought we bring J for a car ride as well. Halfway there, the car broke down and thank God a sister helped pick the twins and brought them out ! 

Managed to settle the car and drove home. By then, both of us were exhausted with a cranky baby who has started to cry at the top of his voice. His cries these 2 days have crossed his usual volumes, and I think with the development of new skills, he now know that he just had to look at the person and cry, and that person would come over automatically as though it’s a magnet or magical wand.

Why aren’t u on yr play mat my dear son?

Day 4

We barely slept the night before. J doesn’t wan me to coax him to zzz. I’ll try to pat / carry him to zzz once he stirs but it just make things worse. Most of the time, William had to wake up to wrap up.

Doesn’t wanna drink or eat today. It’s the day where we just kept making milk and try and try. 

Sweet dreams my dear boys 

Naps are 20 mins or lesser and seriously we really showed hand liaoz.. and I don’t know how we going to correct all these bad habits after he recovers. I’m praying that today is the peak coz he’s super super fussy today. Cry so much that I wanna tell him mama will buy him a sports car if u stop crying and start napping. 😂

He’s zzz for the night. Praying that he doesn’t wake up tonight. Vera just vomited after dinner and complaining of chest pains. We might need to bring her to kkh tonight.

Day 5

- he slept from 8pm-230am before crying. I’m so thankful for that. Gave him some painkillers and milk and he went back to zzz. Only me and William were on standby mode bcoz we wanted to be sure before we go back to zzz. 

Today is definitely easier compared to yesterday. He still isn’t sleeping as much as he should, so still cranky. Praying that we have passed the peak and it’s going to be 雨过天晴！

I even had time for some me time outside because William didn’t need to serve in church today. Thankful for the break. Going back soon!