Happy 1 year old!

- Drafted on 27th Apr 2013-

Lying down on my bed half naked and breast feeding grace, and staring at party balloons, I know I am 幸福的。The girls are finally one today and in a couple of hrs time, we are gonna celebrate with some friends , have a small party and relax. 

365 days since they came into our world and its a huge milestone in my life, if not the Choos. I never quite imagine life taking care of twins although I did blog/believe/say that I'm gonna have a pair of twins even before I was ever pregnant (bcoz of my mom being a twin herself ) but after having a pair myself, I often wonder why God gave me! Hahahahaha.. My God must be thinking why is it so hard to satisfy humans? Didn't I juz ordered a pair of twins and didn't He juz delivered his promise? After having twins, I kept wondering if only I had a child one at a time, then mayb we could have 4 kids in total. Or maybe we would be able to manage our time better with each and every single one of them. But bcoz the twins really exhausted all our means (esp when we can't rely on either set of grandparents for much help), we decided that this is it. 3 kids and I've completely my national commitment . Mayb God has plans for us that I can't see now la.. But I am still grateful for him for what he has done for us, for bringing me to the valleys and to teaching me to lean on him in all situations , to trusting him in all. Yes I'm grateful for all. It's when one has reached the valley before he starts to appreciate the scenery at the mountains., (chim hor)

At this moment, I'm grateful and happy and satisfied. And I wanna pray for all my friends who's going thru their struggles right now, be it infertility , work or r/s, I juz wanna assure you that God is with You and His promise is real . I pray that soon you will be able to ride thru the valleys, that whatever seem the world to u now will soon come to pass, that You trust God in yr walk with Him, and may He guides yr passage walk. In Jesus name I pray , amen!

My man & his back Part I

- Drafted on 26th Apr 2013-

Recently uncle pig started to have severe back pain , so severe tat he could only walk less than10 steps. Yes, 10 only and by then he would be forced to sit down by the severe pain. My heart broke, coz this is one of the few times when I c my giant crushed, and I wonder how long has he endured the pain till he no longer could bear it any longer. 

It scared the shit out of me, literally , coz he would b in such pain Tt he would burst with cold sweat n he couldn't even talk. I was afraid Tt it was stroke or something along Tt line. 

My heart was heartbroken to see him in such pain, and I ponder how long has he been hiding from me before he can longer take it. Why didn't he seek medical help before Tt or even tell me? After 2 separate visits to the GP who gave him painkiller injections, plus 1 visit to the TCM, nothing seem to help. He was still in pain, and worse, he could only walk from my room to the living room before the 10 steps r up and come crushing down. Finally he went to his old chiropractor who managed to make the situation better . I'm praying everyday that things will b better and God to heal him completely. The man is still able to joke that at least he can walk 15 steps nowadays , but that's hardly a consolation to me. I told him that we are supposed to grow old together, and he can only go to Heaven after me, not before me! 

Jokes aside, I was guilty for not paying attention, for not being more meticulous in picking up the signs; when he started to use the muscle relaxer more frequently, when he was limping, or when he was always sitting from one pt to another pt. I missed all those signs . I wasn't attentive enough. I really felt incompetent as his wife, his soulmate. How could I not know? I told him tat from onwards he's supposed to report to me whenever a small /big thing happened for his health and I would decide if medical treatment was necessary. And I hope he obeys.

Man, they only make u hate and love them even more..

Weaning Trial #3

- Drafted on 4th Apr 2013 -

Today Grace drank a 7oz fm n zzz liaoz.. No fussing n nv ask for latch.. I hope this is a Gd start to weaning ! Feeling sad yet happy at the same time . It's a bittersweet moment coz now Tt my supply is so low, I'm hoping that w a full feed, she will b able to zz through also. It's been so long Tt the twins have been waking up that I almost forgot Tt they shld have been sleeping through ! 

Weaning Trial #2

- Drafted on 7th Mar 2013 -

Reached home at 11pm today and was super anxious to know the status of uncle pig 's closing.. The result ? Grace zz at abt 8pm, after struggling for only 15 mins . She drank a total of 6 oz for her closing feed too! Happy happy...

But just upon reaching home, she heard my voice n woke up again. Nursed for a while n went back to zz; w a smile in her sleep .. So happy.. Maybe this is a step nearer to weaning

Day 3 @ Cruise (10 mths update)

Looking at my two babies (grace & joy) sleeping next to me, I know life is good. Yes it can be exhausting taking care of them but the rewards hv far more exceeded the pains .

My joy , who is 6 this year, is on auto pilot mode. But she yearns for the spoon feeding attention given to her two siblings . I'm glad Tt at least at this trip I'm able to spend some heart to heart talk with her. I need to hold her tightly before she no longer shares her thoughts with me.

My grace , the sticky glue , has been drinking from the "tap" these few days. Although she is more difficult to care for at nights due to the constant latching , I'm thankful also Tt this is the easy way to make her zz compared to daddy's way of walking her around. I hope she will love her sisters like we do as she grow older

My Vera, the playful one & the constantly exploring new boundaries. She's been more sticky to me on this cruise, which I'm not sure why but am thankful for it as this allows me to take care of her more frequently. Sometimes I'm amazed at how brilliant her brain works and I'm juz praying that she will not let her little intelligence cut any shortcuts.

God, I'm thankful that You provided us with this trip, to relax and enjoy as a family. I hope that You continue to watch over these 3 girls as they grow up, that they be good children of God. Lord, use them to their fullest capacity, and I pray that You use me to guide them. God I pray for patience in taking care of them, and much as the journey ahead seems tiring and challenging and unbearable, You provide the strength and wisdom to carry me through . Lord, thank you for all that You've provided us so far. In Jesus name I pray,
Amen

9 mths update

- Composed on 27th Jan 2013 -

My twins are 9mths old today! How time flies! It's so difficult to take a pic of them looking at the camera AND smiling at the same time! Daddy is better at it and always have nicer pics than me. 

To me, 9 months old is a big milestone coz it represents an equal time they spent in my womb n out of it.. Hahaha.. But seriously , looking at these 3 kids n the "uncle", I juz wanna thank God for them. Thank God for blessing them to me. No amt of $$ can be used in exchange for them. Not even if they hv made me much  heavier than before, not even if I become so sleep deprived, not even if I can travel the world w the many incentives .. They are my world, my everything, and im enjoying every moment of them, even though sometimes it can b exhausting n heart breaking at times

我的志愿

Today joy came back with homework for her journal writing. The topic is " What do I want to be ..."

I went thru the topic with her n asked her what would she like to b? And her reply? She asked me what was my job ! This came as a pleasant surprise coz I rem asking her a few years bk n her reply was " To be a baker like papa." I patiently explain the title of my occupation n what it covers; to which she says she wanna do exactly what mummy is doing now! Haha.. Nice n heartwarming to know Tt my girl wanna be "me" when she grows up though I know Tt its still too early to say. I know I wanted to be a lawyer when I was 5, but I changed to a dozen others as I grew older . Haha.. Doesn't this happen to all of us? :p