Day 1

Juz as I was waiting and thinking , it has finally come.. Yesh, 3 days before Korea n my menses is here... Hopefully it's a short cycle..

Juz had lunch w my two dearest friends .. Friends who hv known each other for abt 8 yrs now.. After talking to them, the inpulse to do ivf is gone.. Not exactly a bad thing coz I know they want the best for me n we all know tat my emotional strength might not b able to tahan the disappointments n rollercoasters.. Will juz wait n b patient abt it.. As what J says, what if I hv triplets? Who's gonna take care now tat william has started on the bakery biz? Maybe God wants me to take care of joy more.. Maybe it's not my project to contribute to spore's population.. 

Am now at hubz shop, juz quietly watching him busy.. He senses tat I'm unhappy n right now I'm juz grateful tat he understand me so well..without him, I don't know if I could hv survive for so long...

It's so wonderful to come back to church after so long! 今天真开心！

Fun Outing!

Went out with one of my ex-colleague, Yp n her girl today ...it's nice to skip work at times n bring joy out for fun .. Pure fun.. Usually her routine encompasses stayin in sch till 5plus n when we hv dinner, shower her, it will near her bedtime . I'm glad tat I mAnage to bring her out on my own, without hubz coz usually I'll b so reliant on him tat I won't dare to do tat..
While driving home, yp commented tt it's amazing tt even though I don't work on wed n e weekends, why is it possible that i continue to be one of the top producers.. Which got me thinking.. Shes probably right.. I rarely need to worry abt my sales goal coz God has always been providing .. Juz y'day one of my client called me requsting for a review coz he would want to increase his mthly contribution.. It's always incidents like these where God drop cases that provide for us..
In addition, unlike some of my gd friends, I'm blessed w a relatively easy mother-in law.. While some of theirs r really Monster-in-lawsl!!! Pondering on this I realize tat my life has always been so blessed!! Instead of focusing on the small obstacle/depressing part of my life, I shld focus on the BIGGER blessings in mine... A doting hubby, an easy child, mil, easy career..
Lord I will remember the purpose u hv planted in me, I juz pray tat u give me the wisdom to use the right words to say the right things so tat they will know more abt u n tat they will knw tat it's only thru U tat all things are possible.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

3rd week part 3

Juz as I was complaining about the long wait in my previous entry , within 5 mins, while still attending a meeting, I stumbled onto this:
Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” 1 Samuel 1:8

I've read this for so many times before but today, I didn't purposely look for this to make me feel better. I was reading on Ruth yesterday, so today, when I switched on the e-bible, it juz flipped to the next chapter, which is Samuel! Yes, doesnt "I mean more to you than ten sons"? What more can I ask when I already have one beloved Joy and a doting hubby?

Amazing how God work in ways that we cant comprehend and how things happen not by accident but for a purpose! Dear Lord, I'm grateful for the little messages you drop to me... I know and I have to remember that U will do the best for me, my family. Thank you Lord

3rd week part 2

Picked joy yesterday n the teacher told me tat Joy has been telling her tat she's gonna hv a Mei Mei soon. My heart sanked.. Sorry joy, mummy's not successful tis mth again.. Hopefully there's hope in e following mth..Quite tempted to embark onto the next stage but we can't due to a lack of Funds.. 
God I know the word is on Patience.. I juz pray tat u provide a solution soon for us.. Much as we can't comprehend, but if u can feed the birds and clothe the beautiful flowers, wat more us right?

3rd week of the month

My emotions hv always been on a rollercoaster .. Now on third week of the mth n pre- signs of menses r here already, which means that it's not successful again tis mth. Which also means tat when we go to Korea next week, it's most likely to hit my period n tat kinda suck .. Told hubz abt it n he reply " why am I still tracking? I shld hv complete faith tat the Lord will guide n provide".
God I do hv faith in u but much as I try not to count the days, it always pop up in my mind . God I pray tat u help me keep my focus n rely completely in You. 

CNY@ Melaka

When u have a child n it's cny, friends and relatives usually take this opportunity to ask the Golden Question: " When are you going to have another one?" I've taken this quite at my stride nowadays. Most of the time I will juz reply with honestly, which usually will lead to an awkward silence (haha!), and the person wont be able to react or divert..but I feel that there was no pt in dwelling on the NEED to have another child, coz I alrdy know of the importance...so yes, awkward answer is preferred.. :)

But when my ah-ma of nearly 90yrs old asked e same qn, my reply to her turns out to be a more diplomatic one.."tat we r happy w juz having one". To some one who has given birth to 9 children, including my dad, it's a no-no to stop at one, and a bigger NO to stop w/o producing a heir to hubz family. Well, I can juz conclude 2 things: 1) people of my ah-ma generation can juz hv many many children, where in a land of probabilities, there will be some who excel subsequently n some who's juz a bummer in life.. It didn't matter if they had e $$ to finance e kids nor bring them for enrichments.. Haha..considering that my dad had to sell kueh to earn his allowances when he was in pri sch..anyway, it didnt matter if financing the child's upbringing was impt coz they would survive anyway.. 2) 不孝有三，无后位大 Nevertheless, in order to further dwell on this with her, I thought a faster and simpler way was to just say that we are stopping at one..she didnt need to know my struggles, and does she need to worry abt us.. :)

P/s: This entry was written half way before my iphone went swimming in the toilet bowl.. so i kinda had to finish it only when I came back fr msia..thus the non-connected..hehe...