Lying

 It’s been a long day for me. Long day at work, then came home and brought the kids for a swim. Had dinner then while doing spelling / 听写 with vera, I was just chatting w grace… 

Me: why is it that u don’t ever have spelling / 听写？

Grace : I don’t know. Oh mayb I have (and proceed to go take her book

Me: why is it that I don’t get to sign ur spelling / 听写？

Grace : dunno. Shrug her shoulder but her guilt all over her face.

Me: grace have u been lying to us all these while? 

Grace : proceeds to stomp into her room 

I bite my lips and took 3 long breaths. My immediate thoughts were actually “if wanna lie, why don’t lie forever? Why must let me discover?”  

This is the second big lie episode for the last 1-2 weeks. Recently found out that she has been sneaking the common hp into her room when we zzz and watching YouTube on it. We found out coz William saw her holding on to the hp middle of the night. And when I confronted her, she attempted to cover up by lying more 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

来了。Her lying stage has arrived. Joy phrase started at P1 and I was on standby mode when the twins were at that age but it didn’t happen. P2 came and still nothing happened. By P3, I thought mayb don’t have. Not even sure if they had or mayb they did lied but I wasn’t smart enough to discover. 

Bcoz it wasn’t my first time, I didn’t explode as bad. At least for grace first time. Mayb today i was tired, mayb bcoz it’s her second time and it’s back to back, I exploded. My heart broke. I did the wrong thing. I caned her in front of her sisters. She didn’t even retaliate. Just stood there and let me hit her. 😭😭😭

I know I let the anger took control. I shouldn’t have. 

We cried together after that. I apologised to her. Also told her how I used to lie too, and how her grandma would spank me big big time. She was shocked. Coz she felt that my mom and I are so close now. I told her that despite it all, I know grandma loved me. And now despite of what grace  has done today, I still love you. It’s like how God loves us, despite our shortcomings. And if she’s willing, we can work this out tog. 

We eventually kissed and make up. Mayb I hadn’t spend enough time with her this period of time. Mayb I was too engrossed with diffusing Vera’s bombs. 

Vera exploded subsequently, and by then I had no more energy / brain wave to handle it. Feeling frustrated with myself for not being able to cope, and at the same time wishing he could do more. He just asked if I could log out of the common iPad ; so that he can use his login. While vera was crying big big tears. I don’t know if it’s a man thing ; or has he regressed to being a child too? Haiz.. this too shall pass. I know. It’s just difficult today.