Helicopter Parenting

Picked joy up from her sch today. It was the end of her 3d2n camp at a MOE campsite. There were many parents waiting for their kids, which is normal. What was unexpected was when the parents started to take pictures / videos of the sch buses coming in, with their kids finally alighting. If I hadn't known, I would have thought it was some super star arriving the school compound today. They carried the kids camp bags, and took selfies in front of the sch.. as though they had just graduated from their BMT. I don't know if this was normal, but I certainly didn't see this coming. To me, I was tasked to pick her and together we would take the bus to church before meeting up with William and the twins here, 兵分两路 for short.

I didn't think it was necessary for such a grand fanfare. Ultimately I went thru my P4 camp many yrs ago, and walked home after it ended.

I asked my firstborn how was the camp and she started commenting that there were some hiccups which resulted in her needing to backtrack her walk, and she told me she cried coz she was afraid. Awwww... I'm sorry darling, if I hadn't given u the response u wanted..  but u need to understand that in life, some times we don't always get what we wanted and some times we need to walk or go the longer way, bcoz of circumstances. I don't n I can't stand parents who "remove" these obstacles for their kids. They need to learn to do things by themselves. They need to survive on their own, so that if Mr choo and I are no longer here, they would be able to live on their own.

Joy also complained abt several issues abt the camp (e.g. sleeping conditions la,bathing la ) n I had to stop her before she goes on and on. I told her that if she doesn't enjoy such things, she can forget abt going on another camp again. Told her that in all circumstances, we must learn to be grateful for what is given, and not look at what we are missing. It was a teachable moment/ lesson that I hope she understand. I'm sure she had great fun, even though there were the inconveniences.. but let's all look at the positive aspects in life dear.. you are 10 and I can't possibly "cushion" yr life all the time.

Such is our style of parenting, very different from the helicopter parenting that is happening nowadays. My stand is simple..  if we do all for the kids, when will they ever learn to stand on their own? When will they be resilient enough?And then we complain that the kids are too sheltered etc ? Who is the ones sheltering them? Why not let them try, and even if they make a couple of mistakes , at least they can learn fr it. It's easier to learn from mistakes / experiences than from instructions.

I rem always telling Grace not to touch the iron bcoz it's hot but she was always curious. And it really happened. When she touched it (hot), while I was busy with Vera. Ever since then , she has learnt and remember her lesson well. 🤣🤣🤣

I shuddered whenever i see parents feeding their kids while their broad is hooked on the ipad/gadgets. We aren't their slaves. We need to teach them how to fish, instead of giving them a fish a day. There's a lot more to parenting and unless we learn to let go, they will forever be the baby we think they are.

P/S: we probably push our kids (especially joy) more compared to their peers. But it also bcoz of this, that has made them more dependable n independent.

While waiting..

Reached early for my appt, so decided to pen my thoughts about this appt. The client that I will be meeting has been my client for 13 yrs. She was not a friend, but a referral of another referral. I was a young adviser and I started out by recommending small savings plans to common folk like me- people who just started work and has study loan and mayb other commitments to handle. She too had her commitments. The savings plan she got from me is roughly about $35/mth. It may seem v small in today's context and some may even feel that based on the success I have now, why am I still meeting her ? $35 might not be a lot to u and I, but it is a lot to her. And it was my bread and butter when I first started. Juz focusing on doing small bite bite size plans, so that people could just save  a dollar a day, for the future. That was what I believed, then and now. So yes, I still do meet up with her for reviews. Even though it meant crawling to the west. Even though i know that there's probably nothing much she could afford now. We are of the same age and we got married in the same yr and had our firstborn in the subsequent yr. Over the yrs, I've seen her struggled financially. She doesn't earn much, coupled with with some unwise financial decisions, and increase in the number of dependents make making ends meet tough.  And there was nothing I could do, but to pray that God strengthen her in her walk.

She told me last week during the appt that she was hospitalized last yr, but bcoz her bill was lower than the deductible, she ended up paying for it, via cash/cpf. I was so angry with myself, that I had failed to remind her of my presence, that I could have told her to claim via her company insurance etc. She told me that she would like to spare another $80/mth to get a life insurance plan or to do something for the family. I relooked her plans and there were a few areas that required attention and she had limited resources.

I told her the areas during the appt. In fact, I had questioned myself over the past few days, what is of more importance? Getting a rider for the hosp plan so that if another of such incident occur, she won't need to pay much of the medical bills; or getting a life insurance plan ? Or reducing her current commitments like a home contents insurance that she bought fr the bank ?  Seriously, I'm not sure. I've thought of so many permutations and the possible implications. I explained to her my recommendations and she say she needed time to consider all. Fair enough. She commented that I must have thought of all the possible solutions coz I had considered all the diff methods or ways to find money. This is true. I wanted to make every cent worth for her. That what she eventually decides/pay for is worthwhile or worthy. I guess $10 hold diff meanings to everyone and I just wanted to help her stretch her monies as many possible ways as possible.

Moments like this make me feel helpless but thankful. Helpless bcoz I couldn't help much; thankful bcoz this are moments that breathes life to the job. Not the super big cases that I close this mth , or the fact that I probably hit my incentive trip 1mth after the launch or the glamour/ pay that comes with being a sales job; or the occasional complaints by some clients. No. It's being able to help people that remains my conviction why I'm here. I love my job. And I'm thankful for moments/ appts like that. I wish I can reach out to more people like that, to be able to help them. I pray that God give me the wisdom to help them too.

My birthday celebration

My birthday came and pass.. faster than i thought. I've decided to blog abt my special day/special occasions since last year in an attempt to remember it when the yrs passed.

02.07.17
This yr, I told mr choo specifically that I would like to do a bbq for my bday. I've decided Since the result of last yr,that it would b better to b specific rather to leave it to surprises..hahah.. Anyway I also figured that I only see the 🐔 every 12 yrs so it make sense to do what I want. Lol.. but the guests for the bbq, I had a hard time deciding. Do i want to invite a lot of people , or juz specific clicks and chill out or juz my family? In the end I decided to call my family this yr mainly bcoz I don't feel like socialising on my bday..lol.. I know I'm weird but yes I was lazy to wear the social hat, esp on my special day. Was also concerned that if I invited too many people, Mr choo would have difficulties organizing the whole thing given how big our fridge is currently. Lol..

It was nice to have the family come , and though there were hiccups here n there, it was nice.. to juz sit by the pool and chat and gossip .. the kids could swim and eat and repeat that the whole night..

My extended family, kids not in sight..

My pretty mama and little sista who's going to start work the next day, thereby embarking on adulthood.

I did have a cake this year! Yeah! Not sure if it was bcoz of the bbq or bcoz of my outburst last yr.. this yr he did something safe! Lol.. chocolate banana mousse cake, with strawberries on top and kit Kat around the circumference. My fav cake. Haha.. the kids nv like this combi but I hardly cared..it was my cake.. hahahah.. only for the queen.

03.07.17
On my actual day, it was mama duties. We brought the kids out since it was the school hols coz it's youth day ! Haha.. Anyway, we visited the national gallery.

The man and his princess

It's hard to try and make everyone look picture perfect.. 

My best friend, soul mate, father of my girls..

Trying hard to balance on the motorcycle..

When everyone was still in happier moods..

Almost the end of the National Gallery tour.. educational and fulfilling. Probably will go there again before it ends..

Everyone enjoyed themselves and it was an eye opener too.. we continued with gardens by the bay but guess we were too ambitious.. the girls were too tired by then and both Vera and Grace had breakdowns at diff times at the end.

Battery running flat for the twins...lol....


Had to cut short the outing and head home. Everyone was tired I guess.. went home for shower before going for swensens for dinner.. simple dinner plus there's the free ice cream if it's yr actual day. Yes, the Choos take all these little things into consideration, in making our dining experience as pleasurable as possible.lol.. cheap thrills for short.

My wish this year is for everyone to be healthy. I know it sounds cliche, but having seen many incidents have made me realise that with only with gd health, are we able to accomplish the dreams we want to achieve. Thankful for all the beautiful moments I have on earth, may God grant me the chance to touch the lives of others while I'm here.

Why don't I like travelling?

Why don't I like travelling? I think I must be the weird person coz it seems that I'm the only one who doesn't enjoy travelling. The only person that I know who has the same sentiments as me is the spouse of one of my friends. But that's about it.

不知道从何时开始就不爱旅行也对出国一点兴趣也没有。身旁的朋友都觉得我很奇怪. The thing is as much as I don't enjoy it, I find it more of a chore to explain/reason/whatever why I don't like. Was just telling mr choo last night that some people like fried rice and others might like char siew rice, then since all could hv their preferences in their food then why can't I not like traveling? Anyway I've decided to list down the reasons why so many of my friends say they enjoy traveling and provide an insight of why I don't. 

Reasons why people travel

1) Experience and see the diff places of attraction ; experience the diff cultures etc 

• Me: I probably have "visited" so many places via my social media and live feeds over the past few yrs coz so many of my friends are posting it on their social media. (I'm not complaining) And bcoz of this, I get to see all the sites of attractions even without going to the destinations. To get those postcard perfect pictures, I think downloading on the web is a lot easier. Coz more often than not, when u reach the place, it's so crowded with tourists that it's challenging to get a picture without having someone photobombing it. 

• As for experiencing cultures, I seriously feel that we can only experience the true culture if we are going to stay there for a longer period of time, e.g. 1 mth. Anything shorter, u probably juz capture the touristic places and the people u encounter are probably people working in those places too. Hardly a true reflection. 

2) Eat the diff cuisines that are avail etc

• I happen to stay in sg and most of the typical cuisines are avail in sg, pretty authentic ones too. Like the Japanese, Korean, western, French etc.. especially with globalization, a lot of big food chains can be found here too. Yes, it might be more expensive but if one factor the cost of flying + accommodation + transport , it probably is a lot cheaper here. 

3) Shopping

• I used to get this as a main reason all the time. But now, with globalization, one can find uniqlo/ sephora and some of the big brands that weren't here 10 yrs ago. Every country that I've visited in recent yrs hv such places la..not forgetting websites like Amazon, taobao, qoo10 and even a website where u can get people to help u buy and bring back (can't rem what it's call), I can't think of anything that is not available here. 

4)Getaway to relax

• I find it most relaxing at home where u don't need to fret over which places to go or how to get to the hotel/tour place. 

5) Don't need to think about work

• I believe when it's time to switch off, its time to switch off la. I don't need to escape to overseas to switch off la. I take "leave " off my work all the time and I don't need to be overseas to do that. 

6) Don't need to take care of kids

• Honestly , between traveling with or without kids, I prefer the former. The only reason why I'm still traveling with kids is bcoz even though I don't enjoy it, the girls love it and it brings joy to me when I do something they enjoy. 

7) Other reasons

• Then i also have reasons why i don't like traveling. Etc flying on long distance is a pain , I can't zz well on flights, the jet lag. I also can't zz well when the beds/pillows are too soft. It annoys me to buy those touristic souvenirs/排色品. I've bought my fair share of them in my younger days and over the years, they all land into the trash. Having studied in Europe for some time also means that I've visited many of the Eu countries when i was young. 

Mr choo also reminded me that it's also bcoz we travelled a lot before the kids came, which is also true. We travelled like almost every mth or other mth. But then again,10 yrs ago, globalization wasn't everywhere. Lol.. so ya.. I probably hit my travelling quota during that time. I'm glad I realize my dislike now even though I wished I knew it earlier.

#Notetoself #muzrem #saynototraveling

Church camp 2017 part 2

I was so deeply touched by God's word during thr church camp and there's so many things I wanna share abt it that I decided to write part 2 to this.

Of the many sessions shared by the various pastors, there was one in particular that was close to my heart and I hope that by writing it down, I will be able to refer to it when needed.

Embolden & empower to make life changing decisions by Rev Ong Sek Leong

What is life?

• It is a series of decisions made along the way periodically.

3 kinds of people:

1. People who don't want to make decisions
2. People who make decisions @ their own pace
3. People would rise to make all the decisions in life bcoz they trust God

Sometimes we want a blueprint from God but God seldom gives us a blueprint.  God gives us a game plan. It is not God’s nature to give you all the details.
Blueprint : details of all situations
Game plan: general parameters

God is in the process of making us and developing us as a person instead of bringing us to the destination. God don't give us a GPS to bring us to the destination, but He gives us a compass. 

4 parameters 

1) HOW u live is more impt than WHERE U live

• Genesis 13: 12-13
• The condition is more impt than yr location 
• Lot chose to leave God and stay at Sodom (wicked place) and eventually his decision impacted him & his family in a worse manner 
• Implication of How you live is more impt than where you work at.

2) AFFIRMATION of your spouse is more impt than the OFFER of yr bosses

• 1 Peter 3: 4,5,7
• Condition of yr family is more important that yr work/bosses offer
• Affirmation = condition of the heart, decisions that's felt and not directed/imposed
• Consider the feelings of yr family first, before you make any work decisions
• God put yr family together
• Verse 7: prayers will not be hindered

3) OBEDIENCE is more impt than PASSION

• Acts 16:3
• Acts 16: 6-39
• Passion is fundamental. But in the pursuit of passion, there is something more important than God-given passion, which is God, himself
• That's why always stop and ask.
• " Am I doing the right thing and am I doing it right?"
• Obey God
• Reality we faced may not match our vision
• Paul had passion, but God asked him to stop. And he obeyed (twice)
• Obedience can be very tough, and sometimes contradicting
• Obey even if You seem to be going from a bad place to a worse place
• Eg. Paul ended up in prison, but it turned out to be worthwhile coz he managed to preach and saved others

4) RIGHT decisions is not always inspirational

• Hebrews 11:6
• Without faith, it is impossible to please God
• Optimism vs faith
• Faith is believing God is there. When someone has faith, he doesn't need to know his environment. He just need to know God is in there.
• Very often when you seek God's direction, optimism itself is not enough
• Enjoy the process of reaching, not just the destination

In summary, God may give us a holy ministry, but He knows that we may not be that holy. And we may make mistakes. We may even be lost halfway. 

Genesis 28: 16-22

16 When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” 17 He was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven.”

18 Early the next morning Jacob took the stone he had placed under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on top of it. 19 He called that place Bethel,[a] though the city used to be called Luz.

20 Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear 21 so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the Lord[b] will be my God 22 and[c] this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.”

Let God be the centre of yr life. Live by the 4 parameters of God. Thankful that I managed to be there to listen to the sharing. And hopefully, that even though I might not be able to bring my friends to church, I hope that I can bring the church to my friends. :)

Church camp 2017: Be embolden, be empowered

We juz came back about a week ago from Malaysia. Attended our church camp in K'L before heading down to melaka to spend some time with my family.

My thoughts about the camp

It was our 3rd camp as a family although the first since we joined this church. I remember we attended our first church camp in 2009, when joy was less than 2 yrs old. It also meant that she wasn't old enough to attend the kids ministry. Thus, for most of the sessions we had to bring her along. And most of the time, halfway thru, we would end up sitting at the sides on the floor, so that she could walk ard or play with other toddlers. And being first time parents, it was overwhelming, trying to contain her in the hall while paying attention to what the pastor was preaching. I was thankful that during that time, there were a few nice mummies who brought extra colouring materials so that joy could be entertained.

Fast forward 8 yrs, as I was seeing other mummies busy handling their infants/toddlers, it reminded me of that phrase of us. Looking back, I remember feeling incompetent as a parent. I wasn't confident of bringing her out by myself, until much later. I felt inadequate. There were many struggles, some forgotten, while some remained encrypted in my heart. Looking back, these memories have turned sweet with time. What seems like impossible then, has been overcome.

When we went for our 2nd camp, the twins were older and we also brought along our helper. Everything was easy easy. And maybe becoz of this, I have very little collection of it. Sometimes, it's the challenging moments that always remained encrypted in our hearts.

Besides the camp, we also took the girls to kidzania at kl which was having a super huge discounts.  For the 5 of us, it only cost about S$70! And the girls had a lot of fun there.

Each of them did about 5-6 occupations coz it was pretty crowded. I saw a few kids crying, coz they didn't want to play the occupation that their parents wanted them to. Sad. Told William that we will juz chill and let the kids decide what they wanna choose and it didn't matter even when the twins did twice of thr same occupation coz they simply loved it. Lol. It's their fun day, juz like them decide. And if they too tired, we can always juz chill at the Cafe and drink hot chocolate! Zen now..lol... 

Even when we ended the church camp and headed to melaka, it was most of the time a really chill relaxing nuan in the room kinda of thing.. most likely thr most nuan kind that we've done so far. There wasn't shopping or a food list to tick. Most of the time after bf, we will juz drop by my grandma place to chat with her before heading for lunch and back to the hotel. We did catch a couple of nice movies while in the room, afternoon swims and bath tubs ! 

That kinda wrapped up the whole trip. 

P/s: unlike the previous osaka trip, I did sleep very well during this trip. Probably bcoz I'm with the people that matter most. 

P/s: it's 530am now, I didn't manage to zz the whole night! Omg.. coz I'm supposed to go dating with uncle.choo today and maybe too excited, so can't zzz at all..omg! I hope I don't wake up at 2pm later ! Need wake the twins up for school soon!

Emo day..

Have you ever have friends who happened to be clients? Those that kinda "supported" you when you first started this biz, but after a while, you stopped reviewing them for work bcoz it was too tiring and frustrating to do so? The reasons could be many, but for me, it was becoz it was frustrating to always having to wait for > 45 mins for each appt, and/or having aeroplanes in the midst of it.. meaning for every 10 appts we scheduled, i probably only managed to meet them twice, and of the times when we finally met, it was always after waiting for > 45 mins. And in the end, I finally decided not to meet any of such appts in 2009/2010 coz I was battling depression due to infertility and the emotional rollercoasters (due to infertility/ aeroplanes) were extremely hard. I thought since I couldn't control the former, i should at least control the latter. I thought it was easier to meet strangers for they view you independently as an adviser, no strings attached. (the-dun-like-to-meet-strangers-story is for another day)

Anyway, I do have a handful of such people, and I stopped meeting them after a while. Not meeting for work first, and eventually when our paths no longer cross, we also seldom meet for catch ups.. and every once a while, when these people popped up in my mind, the feelings are mixed. I like to go back to them, be it as a friend, or be it bcoz of my work obligations. But I was afraid. Afraid of not knowing what to say/do, afraid that the same disappointments come back again.

But this 2017, I want to overcome this. And I'm meeting a friend/client this friday as a review. I searched thru the records, and the last time we did a review was in  2010! The last time we met as friends were in 2012! I felt bad as an adviser, having neglected my initial crop of sheep, especially since they were the ones who "supported" me before anyone endorse me for the work i do. And it's scary to think that we are meeting this fri. What should I say? work first or friend first?

Praying to God for His widsom and guidance on this situation. May He provide me with strength to carry on with this appt!

Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.[a] Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. - Proverbs 3:5-8