A day as a finance mama

I saw my young adviser run towards the office glass door. I  was shocked. After all she had text me earlier to say she might be late. (I’m still trying to accept late comings.)

As I start my training, I still see the beads of sweat dripping from her forehead. 

Have I pushed them too hard? Did I drive fear so much that she ran in just so that she wouldn’t be late?

My CEO says today’s times are different from my era. I should learn not to be that difficult. Maybe he’s right. I should be thankful that people still bothered to come. 

Anyway I’m thankful that she has a great attitude towards training, learning and everything. I’m quite flattered by the way. 

I’m learning too. Just like flying a kite. When to let loose and when to hold tight. 

May God give me the wisdom and patience as I teach these young kids. 

Reflections 2024

For many reasons I stopped blogging last year. But I’m back. 

And I want to start by penning my reflections for 2024. 

The many things I’m grateful for 2024

• My GR improved by 5% 

The fact that it didn’t dropped despite the increase in workload - Im thankful. 2024 had been a crazy hectic year, juggling two PSLE kids, the added management workload etc

• Team improvement 

About 80% of my kids improved their performance last year, and I’m thankful to be around to witness their amazing growth. Some did their personal best ever, some were happy to be first time parents, and some were happy to chill. I’m grateful for their trust in me - tbh . I wouldn’t have  lasted that long if not for their constant love and kindness.

• Couple trip 

Looking back, I’m thankful for the couple trip that William and I did last year. It was a good break from parenting duties, and to refocus on just us. To pay attention to the man that has quietly grown old, but never before put us in second priority. 

• Personal growth

I’m amazed by my own growth; my mental growth. My confidence to hold my own and not stand in the shadows of my predecessor or anyone else for that matter.

• Mexico 

The unexpected trip away from my family coz of work brought me deeper friendships. I still look at the photos once a while. I know it wouldn’t happen again, that’s why I cherish those memories even more. 

Thankful for what 2024 has given me. 

Even though the first quarter of 2025 has been filled with MC and slowly getting into the momentum, I will constantly remind myself that I’m better now. I’m doing Okie. 

Whatever is God’s plans for me, I will follow. 

Protecting myself

 I finally did what I’ve wanted to do for the last few months. I stepped down as the kindergarten teacher. 

There were many reasons why I wanted to, but I think the last straw was when new advisers were always late for trainings. The blatant lack of respect for all the trainers when we curved out time out of our busy schedule to do this. I told them few days ago “Don’t apologise for the late coming. Just arrive before 9am. If you wouldn’t dare to be late for your clients appt, then what gives you the right to do that to trainers?” 

That was what I did. 

I tried to improve the culture / their working attitude and I failed. I tried to tell myself not to let it affect me, and I failed too. So I decided to just step down and protect myself. 

我的功力不够深厚，所以我选择离开保护自己. 

Felt a sense of relief once I settled everything. I guess the cruise + recent spate of events have pushed me to focus on what’s really important in my life. Declutter my life and proritise joy.

Overcoming

I think I’m out of my black hole. I think the crazy appts helped even though that also creates a whole set of other problems. 

Sometimes I think I’m too hard on myself. 

Angela reminded me that I should continue journaling in this space. I wanted to. But I was also afraid that the handful friends who’s reading it might be too worried. And seriously, when I’m struggling, the last I want is another text to ask me if I’m alright. 🫣🫣🫣 Is that weird? 

I guess I just don’t wan additional attention/ limelight on me. I would pretty much prefer a silent prayer, a lunch or bunch of flowers. Hahaha.. 

And also I was pretty much fighting fire and learning new skills last year that I didn’t have time to come back. 

I’m thankful for last year. 2024 had been kind to me. Despite the hectic times, it’s fulfilling to see my advisers bloom and grow. I love this part of my work. Just enhancing and making sure that I give the best environment to them, so that they can grow. 

And I had my first appreciation lunch as a “老板”. My heart is filled with warmth and gratitude. 

Emotional Challenges

I don’t like the me now. 

There are days when I’m grateful and count my blessings. But there are also days where the anxiety hits and the inability to do much frustrates me. And this is one of those days. 

I know there are countless things to be grateful for. In fact when I came into my blog yesterday, I realize it’s always been an outlet for me to rant but seldom to celebrate my wins. Shall take a mental note to write more of the wins moving forward. 

I know there are countless things to be grateful for. At least I have a husband who wouldn’t faint at the sight of my wound, one who accompanies me for almost all my visits, and one who painstakingly help me put “保鲜纸” all over my back, before helping me shower just so that I wouldn’t wet my wound. I know and I’m grateful for him. But sometimes, I’m guilty of bursting out at him too. 🥹🥹🥹

And today is one of those days I completely lose it. Not his fault. It’s a case of “he say, I say, I think he say and I think she say” etc. 

Thankfully I didn’t blow up to WW3. I burst out crying when I realize how cruel I’m treating this man who has been so exhausted holding the fort all this while. 

I know all this will come to pass one day. I know. 

This is just one of those days where everything seem a little bit harder. 

This is one of those days where I doubt my self worth. I know I’m a lot more than the working Lena Soon. I do. I really should pick up cross stitch again. Colouring and reading are just not the same. Lol. 

I contemplated if I should blog here coz then the few friends will be worried. Please don’t. I will be fine. Don’t ask. Just help me say a little prayer if you can 😘