4 months

 

This was what I wrote in may, when I was deciding my Ys. I knew that it had to be convincing, otherwise I would fall and crumple when I met with obstacles. I knew that I needed something to refer to, to remind me of why I wanted to do this. And this week was one of those weeks where I needed an extra reminder. 

Nothing major happened. It was just exhausting. Tired of working past 11pm every night, tired of having to open my laptop on weekends. I know I can choose not to reply those emails on weekends, but it will just snowballed to Mon which make things even worse. Tired of having to mingle with colleagues whom I hardly know just few mths ago, and trying my best to understand them and make their working here a little bit better. This isn’t the usual me - having to step out of my comfort zone to know new people, make small talk. I honestly do wanna make their working life a bit better if I can, but it’s tiring to mingle and make small talk, if u get what I mean. And then there’s tons of working partners who wanna do coffee/trainings/ whatever that I’ve been trying so hard to turn down. And this is me, 4mths into the new job. 

Will I finally get used to this? Will I find my balance between family, management and personal sales? I wished I wouldn’t feel like drowning every single day. I wish God give me the right balance in all 3 areas, the right mentality to cope with all these challenges. 

I’m like the fomo manager, always worried that I’m not doing enough for my team. If other managers are giving xxx to their team, I start thinking of ways to provide the same for my babies too. And it’s exhuasting. Angela says that I should have more confidence in my leadership. I wish they sell it over the counter or during the Black Friday sale. Hahaha.. 

People say what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. I hope I will arrive at that stage soon.