Overcoming

I think I’m out of my black hole. I think the crazy appts helped even though that also creates a whole set of other problems. 

Sometimes I think I’m too hard on myself. 

Angela reminded me that I should continue journaling in this space. I wanted to. But I was also afraid that the handful friends who’s reading it might be too worried. And seriously, when I’m struggling, the last I want is another text to ask me if I’m alright. 🫣🫣🫣 Is that weird? 

I guess I just don’t wan additional attention/ limelight on me. I would pretty much prefer a silent prayer, a lunch or bunch of flowers. Hahaha.. 

And also I was pretty much fighting fire and learning new skills last year that I didn’t have time to come back. 

I’m thankful for last year. 2024 had been kind to me. Despite the hectic times, it’s fulfilling to see my advisers bloom and grow. I love this part of my work. Just enhancing and making sure that I give the best environment to them, so that they can grow. 

And I had my first appreciation lunch as a “老板”. My heart is filled with warmth and gratitude. 

Emotional Challenges

I don’t like the me now. 

There are days when I’m grateful and count my blessings. But there are also days where the anxiety hits and the inability to do much frustrates me. And this is one of those days. 

I know there are countless things to be grateful for. In fact when I came into my blog yesterday, I realize it’s always been an outlet for me to rant but seldom to celebrate my wins. Shall take a mental note to write more of the wins moving forward. 

I know there are countless things to be grateful for. At least I have a husband who wouldn’t faint at the sight of my wound, one who accompanies me for almost all my visits, and one who painstakingly help me put “保鲜纸” all over my back, before helping me shower just so that I wouldn’t wet my wound. I know and I’m grateful for him. But sometimes, I’m guilty of bursting out at him too. 🥹🥹🥹

And today is one of those days I completely lose it. Not his fault. It’s a case of “he say, I say, I think he say and I think she say” etc. 

Thankfully I didn’t blow up to WW3. I burst out crying when I realize how cruel I’m treating this man who has been so exhausted holding the fort all this while. 

I know all this will come to pass one day. I know. 

This is just one of those days where everything seem a little bit harder. 

This is one of those days where I doubt my self worth. I know I’m a lot more than the working Lena Soon. I do. I really should pick up cross stitch again. Colouring and reading are just not the same. Lol. 

I contemplated if I should blog here coz then the few friends will be worried. Please don’t. I will be fine. Don’t ask. Just help me say a little prayer if you can 😘