A heart of thankfulness

The helper has been back for 2 weeks++. And so far, it’s mere exhuastion + thankfulness. 

She is only coming back in another 2 more weeks coz I don’t know why we agree to a 1 mth break for her. lol.. this morning Joy was still saying that she misses our helper and that we shouldn’t have agreed on a 1 mth break. I told her we were afraid if we said 2 weeks she would just not renew her contract. Hahahha.. 

累是累可是 everyone has been helping out with some of the chores just so that papa Choo wouldn’t need to do as much. But when I said some, it’s really tiny some. Lol.. 

But I’m thankful that the girls and even Joash stepped up in helping. Breakfast w the girls this morning, and they were telling me some of the changes they have made. Eg, reusing their bath towels instead of changing everyday, and I hear them discussing abt re-wearing their sch uniforms (now that sch is going to start tomorrow), coz the turnover isn’t as quick as last time. I’m glad that the girls get to wear some of their less popular clothes bcoz of this too.. hahaha.. some clothes where they had forgotten they actually have, bcoz our helper turnover is T+1. 

Penning this down so that we can all laugh it over again in time to come. 

We had a big fight last night. What’s new right.. 要不甜蜜到死，要不吵架到两败俱伤。 

Context: the twins have been sick for a while. And vera just didn’t wan to eat any medicine anymore. She also whine a bit la.. and the uncle was frustrated with her for the whole entire day. I came home at abt 5pm and saw the pek chek uncle, who probably is only punishing himself and everyone else (except vera) with his black face. 

By bedtime I was getting frustrated coz clearly innocent family members shouldn’t bear the brunt of it. 

And he’s just been tekan by Vera for 1 single day.. oh come on! I’ve had it worse lo.. 🙄🙄🙄 

Coupled with a lack of sleep (coz he’s been doing night shifts for the last 1 week).. all acts up to be the perfect ingredients for a major explosion. 

And there wasn’t any conclusion after the fight. He says he’s tired and wanted to go to bed. I took the night shift again and woke up at 2am to settle the little man. And was wide awake all the way til 5am. 

And this is my Saturday. 

Life unfiltered. Life with lotsa ups and downs. But all shall pass, in time to come.

Update: woke up this morning and he seems to be better. Oh at least he tried to do the morning duty. 

Made me breakfast with some of the kitchen leftovers. 

After which we went to meet our friends at Jewel for lunch. 

My MVP

Been feeling easily irritated with Uncle Pig recently. It's like the little bit of things will be able to spark and turn into a forest fire.

Our recent JB trip almost U-turn coz on the trip there, he said something like "I thought you would have done xxx" & "I thought you meant withdrawing monies in Msia & not withdrawing in SG and bring them to change" which triggered me. 

My POV: 

1) Shouldn't you clarify?

2) Why didn't you remind me?

But of coz, if I had said that right at that moment, it would progress to a U-turn. No doubt.

And if we had really U-turn, I would have missed out on the surprise he planted!

What did I say such that I made my point, yet there wasn't an explosion? (Coz 我也不是好欺负的!)

I simply told him as a matter of fact, why and how I was offended by his choice of words, after he parked his car at the dim sum breakfast place. He nodded, and we went for breakfast. No WWIII

And then it happened again the following day. Same style. Same man. 

Scene: Zoo Excursion

Act 1: Asked him if he needed anything in the car & he said no need. Said I could bring an umbrella for myself if i wanted (if its too sunny / raining) .

I didn't coz I didn't know where the umbrella was.

Act 2: Starts drizzling halfway in the zoo

Me: Did you bring an umbrella for joash?

Him: I ask you to bring.

Triggered 了咯.. 他没有错可是他说的也不对.. I got slightly frustrated coz the zoo is an open space, and no raincoat/ umbrella means die liao..

Drizzle soon turned into heavy thunderstom.

This happened next. He just scooped Joash and ran, making sure I followed too. 

Just moments before, I was still angry with him. I laughed at my childish behaviour.

This is my man that doesn't always have the right words, but one who I can always rely on, in times of need/emergencies.

This is him bringing Joash to join the rest of the group after the rain finally stopped. I had to leave earlier to pick the twins up.

Ever so thankful for the MVP in my life. There is no perfect man in the world. But he is good enough for me. 谢谢你.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to (me and) all the 伟大的妈妈! It’s so challenging to be a mama these days. A mama these days means wearing many hats - to be able to parent the children, work like one has no kids, be able to cook, do art and craft , provide tuition for the kids, and be put to scrutiny on social media for non impt people to judge and criticize! Anyway I’m on a social media fast for now (not sure how long it will last, but will enjoy this moment for now) as part of the “protecting myself” movement. Hahahaha.. I think it’s part of strengthening my own mental health and trying to protect my subconsciousness and time. Coz I know how much time is wasted scrolling through socials endlessly. 

Anyway today is not about that. It’s about being grateful for every single day of my life. I’m thankful for God who spoke to me in a vision 4yrs ago that He would give me a son. I didn’t believe it at that moment, although His voice was clear. I got pregnant shortly after and Joash was borne the following year. No one thought that we would have more kids, coz infertility has haunted us for yrs. And it’s  only possible becoz of God. He chose to bless us with this little boy who sometimes drive us crazy to the point that I had to remind myself that Joash is a gift from God. 

The Birth of Samuel

There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.

Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. 

Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. 

Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” 

Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” 

As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” “

Not so, my Lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” 

Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” 

She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast. 

Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.””

‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬-‭20 

I remembered this was the msg preached then. I could totally relate to Hannah, who felt tormented by her infertility. In fact, this msg carried me for many seasons before we had the twins. When I heard it again 4yrs ago, it carried a very different feeling. I wasn't downcasted. I was thankful for the many blessings in my life. But I asked God, if He would give us our last kid, if He think that we would be up for it? And He said yes. And that was it. 

Thankful for the Lord, who never sends the wrong order but in His perfect Timing. 

Happy weekend my friends!

Protecting boundaries

Last week an adviser texted me and ask if she could meet me coz she’s drowning. The same problems that we all face as advisers - not enough appts, no one to meet, no cases to close, can’t handle the emotional rollercoaster of rejections and the list goes on. 

I said yes. Even though William said I should refer to her respective leaders. But I agreed anyway. 

Each time I meet her, I’ll end up feeling defeated. Coz she’s a lot more emo than me. And most certainly she knows how to press on all my insecurities etc.. Joleen says I should learn to say no. Coz I always end up exhausted and defeated. And I shouldn’t bring all these bad feelings home. And the thing is I can’t even rant to anyone besides her and William! 

Anyway this season is abt protecting myself and setting boundaries. Surprisingly learnt it from my new secretary who doesn’t reply my msgs once she leaves office. Work is done and dusted. lol.. we had a lot of cultural shock when she first joined. But I guess it’s a good thing. Coz if not for her, I think I will b overstepping into Joleen hrs 24/7 and I’ll also end up clearing my team’s cases at whatever timing. 

So the boundary has been a good thing. I just need to learn to up my level and say no to people who I can’t cope at this moment in time. 

只怪自己功力不够，让老娘在修炼500年在彼此切磋吧！

Till Death do us part?

I guess I’m really easily affected greatly by people who doesn’t even concerned me 🤣🤣🤣

Heard of the news that one of my fav YouTuber couple announced their divorce recently. I started watching them for quite a few yrs now. And even though they announced the news on April Fool’s, a lot of people thought it was meant to b a joke initially. 

Currently there’s no concrete reason for the divorce, though there are  lot of speculations / rumours going on. Said it was bcoz both of them lost a lot of weight, became more attractive now and one of them strayed. I mean, who knows right. What I do know, and one of the reasons i think affected me a lot more than I expected, is bcoz the wife had PCOS and they went thru a lot of infertility problems like what we experienced few yrs ago. They went thru IVF too, and that probably affected their relationship too. With the hormonal changes and stress etc. 

The kpo me went to watch a few videos that they made separately last yr and the tell tale signs were there. The eyes that had sadness, the missing spouse on their respective channels, melodramatic topics etc. 

Oh well, then after watching it, even more sad and I end up not sleeping til 3am! Haiz.. I don’t even dare tell Uncle abt it.. I just laid my hands over him and prayed that God watch over our marriage, that He will always be the centre of our relationship, our household and everything. 

I wished I’m not that easily/distracted by people that even are impt.. lol.. 

In other news, reading a new book now and I’m excited to see how it leads. To be updated again 

Me!

Swimming again coz I haven’t exercised at all this week! Swimming is my safe haven. I wished I could do it in the evening when it’s not that sunny. In time to come when my kids are older and more open to allow mama have her swimming without them. 

April has been quite slow for me. Have a lot of appts but not much closing. Our work is like farming. I guess this is the season of planting seeds and waiting. I can wait. I shall be patient. If this is the place that God plants me to be, He will show me His ways and plans for me. 

”Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.“

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭31‬:‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬