我不开心🫣

A dear cousin passed away last night and I went to her wake last night. 

I used to be very close to her - coz she was a big sister that I admired. Played the piano very well, had good grades and she was very kind. 

As we grew up, we drifted. And even when she was going thru her chemotherapy few years ago, I didn’t reach out. I didn’t know how to. 

“Are you feeling okay/better/alright?”

All these sound so redundant and extra. It adds additional stress to the person who’s trying to get well. So I never contacted her directly. I do get updates from my mom who sees them pretty regularly. Even when my mom told me that her days are numbered, I struggled if I should text her. What would I say? I went anyway, after Joleen and Jael encouraged me to. And they didn’t want me to live with regrets. I’m glad that they did. Else I’ll probably feel a lot worse than now. 

I remember getting her flowers that day. She was very energetic when I went. She talked abt her pains, her course treatment etc. i remember leaving the house, thinking that my mama had exaggerated her condition. (But I was glad she did). 

I guess that day has been one of her better days. I hope she’s in a better place now, away from all the suffering and pain. 

There’s a lot of emotions going on for me and I don’t necessarily know how to express and identify each of them. 

“How does one pour out from an empty cup?”

“What’s my purpose in life?” 

“Can I take a break from living?”

“Can I take a break from wearing the many hats?”

A thankful heart

The birthday came and left. My heart is filled with gratitude for all the love and messages received. 

Birthdays hold a different meaning especially as I grow older.

When I was in my 20s or younger, birthdays meant big celebrations; loud parties 🥳. My goals then was to just earn as much as I can, so that I can prove to my parents that this career was right. 

When I was in my 30s, I just wanted more TIME for my family. The balance between being there for the kids vs having a decent career was what drives me. 

Now that I’m in my 40s, I just wanna bask in the current moment - to enjoy what’s on my plate, my friends, my health and my time now. 

When I read some of the msgs written by my kids @ work yesterday, my heart is filled with gratitude. Almost wanted to cry 🤣🤣🤣 让我又爱又烦的小朋友。

Thankful for the opportunity to lead, to inspire, to support them, to see each of them grow in their baby steps. And that fulfils me. 

With a grateful heart and a tummy full of yummy cakes! Thank you God!

Small victories!

Just wanna record a fulfilling day for me. 

Finally launched my first e-book online! Although there was quite a few hiccups here and there, I’m glad that I managed to pull it thru! Like how I spended more time than I expected in drafting the book, doing up the web link and then friends say they didn’t receive the copy. Somehow the web link had some glitches! And I couldn’t resolve it coz by then I had a team lunch with my work kids followed by our team bonding event. 

I’m happy that they enjoyed the event. Everyone who came managed to know each other a little better I guess. 

I was the only one who went on to fix a work appt in office! Kinda regret my decision.. lol.. coz I was so sweaty and smelly by the time the team building. . 

Thankfully the clients came on time and I even managed to close an unexpected case from that appt! Praise the Lord!! 

Thankful for a great Thursday! My heart is full. 

If anyone would like to download my e-book, here’s the link too: https://mailchi.mp/lenafinancemama/first-finance-book

I struggled to think if I should post this - be it on my LinkedIn or here. But this is my safe space. So here it is. 

一分耕耘 一分收获

Behind the glamour and recognition, there are so many people quietly supporting me to where I am. The hubby who took full shift of the kids just so that I could work without guilt and fear. The colleagues who cheered for me and pulled me along when I doubted myself. My cheerleaders who simply listened and cheered as I fought my way thru. 

My goal this year is TOT. Not COT. So yes I’m behind schedule. Hahaha.. I know. 

Why did I wanna do such a crazy goal?

Cause I believe actions speak louder than words. Because I feel that this is my way of showing my kids@work that everything is possible, as long as they try. 

If God is willing, I’ll do my best and trust that He will do the rest.

2 rounds done, 4 more to go! Let’s go! 🎉

A day as a finance mama

I saw my young adviser run towards the office glass door. I  was shocked. After all she had text me earlier to say she might be late. (I’m still trying to accept late comings.)

As I start my training, I still see the beads of sweat dripping from her forehead. 

Have I pushed them too hard? Did I drive fear so much that she ran in just so that she wouldn’t be late?

My CEO says today’s times are different from my era. I should learn not to be that difficult. Maybe he’s right. I should be thankful that people still bothered to come. 

Anyway I’m thankful that she has a great attitude towards training, learning and everything. I’m quite flattered by the way. 

I’m learning too. Just like flying a kite. When to let loose and when to hold tight. 

May God give me the wisdom and patience as I teach these young kids. 

Reflections 2024

For many reasons I stopped blogging last year. But I’m back. 

And I want to start by penning my reflections for 2024. 

The many things I’m grateful for 2024

• My GR improved by 5% 

The fact that it didn’t dropped despite the increase in workload - Im thankful. 2024 had been a crazy hectic year, juggling two PSLE kids, the added management workload etc

• Team improvement 

About 80% of my kids improved their performance last year, and I’m thankful to be around to witness their amazing growth. Some did their personal best ever, some were happy to be first time parents, and some were happy to chill. I’m grateful for their trust in me - tbh . I wouldn’t have  lasted that long if not for their constant love and kindness.

• Couple trip 

Looking back, I’m thankful for the couple trip that William and I did last year. It was a good break from parenting duties, and to refocus on just us. To pay attention to the man that has quietly grown old, but never before put us in second priority. 

• Personal growth

I’m amazed by my own growth; my mental growth. My confidence to hold my own and not stand in the shadows of my predecessor or anyone else for that matter.

• Mexico 

The unexpected trip away from my family coz of work brought me deeper friendships. I still look at the photos once a while. I know it wouldn’t happen again, that’s why I cherish those memories even more. 

Thankful for what 2024 has given me. 

Even though the first quarter of 2025 has been filled with MC and slowly getting into the momentum, I will constantly remind myself that I’m better now. I’m doing Okie. 

Whatever is God’s plans for me, I will follow. 

Protecting myself

 I finally did what I’ve wanted to do for the last few months. I stepped down as the kindergarten teacher. 

There were many reasons why I wanted to, but I think the last straw was when new advisers were always late for trainings. The blatant lack of respect for all the trainers when we curved out time out of our busy schedule to do this. I told them few days ago “Don’t apologise for the late coming. Just arrive before 9am. If you wouldn’t dare to be late for your clients appt, then what gives you the right to do that to trainers?” 

That was what I did. 

I tried to improve the culture / their working attitude and I failed. I tried to tell myself not to let it affect me, and I failed too. So I decided to just step down and protect myself. 

我的功力不够深厚，所以我选择离开保护自己. 

Felt a sense of relief once I settled everything. I guess the cruise + recent spate of events have pushed me to focus on what’s really important in my life. Declutter my life and proritise joy.