Baby diary

I’m torn between latching him and being pain or just pump and having regulated zzz for the whole household.. It wasn’t as pain til we intro the bottle to him.. and latch means it’s hrs of latching while bottle is chop chop . Everyone gets zzzz... last night was the first night I relented and agreed that William will give him the bottle while I just wake up to do my regular pumps. The end result? Both men only woke up once at 1am for feeding and the next feed was at 6am! While I woke up 3x to pump.. a stark contrast compared to the first 2 nights when no one gets any decent sleep bcoz I was latching him thru the night and halfway thru I was either too tired or too pain or both that I asked william to take over. But baby just wanted me then and end up all three of us can’t zzz.. and when dawn came, william had to resume his normal duties and though I could catch some nap, I felt bad.. 

The advantages of the bottle is obvious. Even today I only latch him from 630-730 and from 8plus til now , I’m as dead as a zombie.. exhaustion plus pain from the nipples.. 

even blogging now with my eyes close..

This is going to be my last child and if I give up on latching now, there’s no turning back. 

Can’t quite decide yet bcoz brain isn’t awake and I’m waiting for grace to be done with her kitchen chores .. I need some 😴 

 “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭18:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/psa.18.2.niv

Update 

J said I should do a pros and cons of pump vs latch so rust my heart and mind can hopefully reconcile.. Here goes : 

Latch 

- special bonding with baby, especially since this is my last baby 

- super damn tiring

- I can’t see how much he drink and his jaundice isn’t clear 

Pump

- regular timing of 20 mins every 3 hrly

- can see the amt that baby drinks 

- mobile, and I can still work / be present with the girls 

- anyone can help to bottle the baby

It’s quite obvious who the clear winner is. Not that this table helps much . Cried on the bed looking at J.. it’s so silly lo.. haiz .. anyway yes I will pump most of the time and latch him once a day. If he forgets abt it, so be it la.. I never manage to latch joy successfully but we went on to have extraordinary bonds.. I need to remember this..