The day before HK

The day before HK
- in abt 12 hrs time I will be on the flight to HK with joy.. Been feeling so excited the entire day. But a check with the view cam 10 mins ago, and I saw Grace sitting alone in the living room. Though this moment only lasted last then 5 mins before auntie walked out from the kitchen, my heart sank.

The black and white picture of Grace sitting in my living room, encrypted deeply into my brain. What kind of mom am I , to leave behind my less than 2 yr old babies for a 5 days break? I felt sick. But I can't possibly cancel the trip now and break the heart of my 6 yr old. She has been counting down everyday . 进退两难。

I'm starting to miss the rest of my village. Will I even enjoy my trip? Why did I plan it anyway? Was it more for me or Joy? That qn alone made me even worse.

It was an impulse buy because of the air ticket promo. It was also becoz William thought it was good to give some "me" time for joy and for me too. And I missed my frens in HK , having cancelled my last trip at the eleventh hr. Right now, I Juz hope he give me a surprise and fly there go meet me at Disneyland ! Yes! ( though I know fully that with the twins ard, it's hard to achieve any of the reasons I listed above)

God, in all situations, You said to draw close to u. Lord, I pray that You protect us during the trip; that I will travel in peace. Lord, I believe this happens for a reason, and I want to believe that it's for the good of everyone in my village. Lord, I pray that You help William while I'm away; that the twins will be obedient; and Lord, You protect their health . Lord, I want to pray that with me being away, Grace will be weaned off the breast as well; that she will be able to sleep back to her bed, Lord, I pray that You protect each and everyone of us. Lord, I also pray that during the trip, I will be patient to Joy, that we will be able to spend quality time together . Lord, I pray that I will be able to understand the thoughts of my 6 yr old, that I will be able to continue to hold her closely to me, that she will not grow distance from us with the twins ard. Lord, I pray that you let her understand that we are her family, that she has this village to share her joy and sorrows with. Lord, I pray all these in ur mighty name, amen!