Juz came back from a short getaway and ended up being more tired than before the trip.. the trip was okie, fun and relaxing... but anyway, will blog abt that in another entry altogether...
Have been re-tinking about my IVF decision this couple of hours... it's the uneasiness, and I'm not even sure if this is the way that I wanna go about it.. Does God want to see that happening too? What if this is all not meant to be? Maybe God feels that this is not His plan for me? Maybe in His grand master plan, Joy would grow up to be an only child?
Haiz.. feeling a lot of maybes and whatifs and dont know how I should proceed from here? SHould I juz back out from the whole thing & move on in life? Anyway, there's a lot of pple who only have 1 child and are contented with that? Or should I go back to the adoption waiting list? Or maybe I should juz try my own ways to source for a child available for adoption? Or should I just go ahead with the IVF, the 60 injections and see how it goes? WOuld that be the way for me?
What if after a failed cycle, I tried several more cycles and cant seem to pull myself out of it? I dont know why but even before starting, I've never really imagined myself as having it successful? Would that be a self-fulfilling prophency? But if I were to imagine hitting it right on the first cycle, and if it turned out otherwise, I think the blow would be even harder and greater than imagined?
I know for sure that God didnt intend for Joy to be an only child.. I also know that God didnt want me to suffer the pains... then if that's the case, then how?? How God? God, I cry out to you, and I pray that you hear my cries.. God, I pray for your protection, for your covering upon me and my family, that we will be able to survive this journey altogether.. Lord, I do not know yr plans and yr reasons for doing certain things, but I remember that U love all yr children.. And this verse suddenly pass thru my mind:
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. - Matthew 7:7
3 comments:
dear lena, you are worrying too much. We will nv know what God plan for us for our life until the end of it. Why guess?
Just do the things you know you must do, if not u will live with regrets.
Leave the rest out of your mind.. because you have William, you have all your friends who will be beside you and help you through. you have all the love from all your loved ones. :) 加油！
Yes Lena, the Lord will always be with you. I probably do not know much about hearing from God (haven't got chance to hear it personally), but I do know that our Heavenly Father is always around us watching and loving us.
I believe that for everything that happens God already knows it. Sometimes it is probably a challenge to bring our faith to the next level. Have faith that what awaits us in future is always better.
Maybe I do not know much about IVF as "playing god". But I feel that everything is in God's hand. If it is not meant to be, even IVF can fail. Pray to God, follow Him and you will probably see the light in your heart.
I will pray for you.
@ Regine,
tink you've mistaken.. I'm not worried about the "Playing God" aspect... that's not what I'm worried about... but never mind..
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