Went for a 630am morning swim. It’s a love hate relationship when it comes to swimming this early. Love becoz there isn’t much sun and not crowded at all. Hate coz it’s super cold and super dark. The first few laps is generally the hardest coz it’s pitch dark and kinda scary when I go underwater. But I like how after a few laps, the light starts to shine and slowly slowly, it becomes easier. 

It’s like my current role I guess. The last 1 yr has been a steep learning curve for me. In fact I think I’ve been in my comfortable shell for too long. The moment I decided to step into the leadership role, I felt like a young duckling pushed to sea, trying to stay afloat in the waters. There were a lot of emotions/learning, just like how the duckling does its footwork underwaters. Many a times, I get overwhelmed by how little I know, or how incompetent I am, for not knowing this and that. 

It eventually leads to many overwhelming moments where I felt like I was simply swimming in the dark, not knowing when light will arrive. The aha moment or near exasperation moment came few weeks ago, when I finally realize that it’s okie not to know everything. It’s okie to be honest abt it. I mean I realize that it’s okie not to know everything few mths ago, but not knowing and being open abt it, is two different things stacked together. I guess the last 19yrs, I never felt that I knew so little. I had enough knowledge to carry on my work. But when my work extends to cover diff areas, I was shameful that I lacked the know-how to help my advisers. It felt humbling when the lack of knowledge/ competency just bounced back on my face. 

To be able to reflect on this now, I’m thankful that I’ve grown to recognise that it’s okie not to know everything. It’s okie to learn to trust yr team mates and empower them to lead. It’s okie to be honest abt my flaws and my lack. 

Am looking forward to see what’s next, what’s coming. Thankful for the opportunity to learn and to grow, to master and to nurture.