Weekend blues

Cried so hard last night. It was almost bedtime and Vera mood swings got into me. It’s Sunday night which means in a couple of hrs, it’s school for her and she hates it. She’s struggling a lot with school ever since P5 and this yr. 

A chat with grace and she said that vera doesn’t like school coz her classmates are toxic. ☠️

I also noticed that she hasn’t been eating lately. She would say she doesn’t wan breakfast, and then skip recess and even after coming home, she only eat little for lunch. 

I had a chat with Vera and tried to offer comfort food for her breakfast. Eventually she decided on porridge. Also tried to understand why she’s feeling the way she is, but she isn’t saying much. I’m not sure if these are the pre signs of depression, or I’m simply reading too much into it. 

Or mayb the PSLE run is making her so stressed this yr. She always referred herself as the “dumb” one compared to her sisters, and sometimes we/ her sisters do make fun of her too. Haiz.. 

Then all of a sudden, while making Joash zz, I was afraid of losing her. Text William to go check on her when I was in the midst of Joash closing. But he said when he went into her room she was sound asleep. 

Dunno how to say this without sounding crazy. But I don’t want to be oblivious to my kids and lose them before I realize it’s too late. I have done 2 claims ever since I joined this line - my very closed friend and colleague when we first joined the biz; and my client’s kid 2yrs ago. And such instances/ news always hit me hard. Coz no one could have picked up the seriousness of the condition. It’s not like cancer or heart attack where the signs were more physically obvious, the signs of depression aren’t. 

Maybe I’m just thinking too much. Maybe it’s the weekend busyness that led me being super overwhelmed. 

I paused and did breathing exercises before deciding if I wanna be the screaming parent or be the connected parent. I’m glad, that I was intentional. I’m just praying that God continues to give me the wisdom and patience to guide my kids. I want to have an intentional and fulfilling relationship with all of them, even though it seems so hard all the time. 

“My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭121‬:‭2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.121.2.NIV

This is me - after a swim on a Monday afternoon. Waiting for the two men to join me. 

The swim did good to me. Or mayb becoz I haven’t seen my emo+sensitive kid yet. I did buy some donuts after my appt and hopefully that would help cheer them up. My relax work regime continues post-US trip. Right now, I’m still enjoying these precious moments but I know it’s only a matter of time before the anxieties crept in. 

Thankful that I exercised today. Let’s try to keep to the 4x exercise regime. Be it for my physical or mental health