I probably ate over 5000 calories today - the result of emotional eating. I know I said earlier that I wanna dissociate food with my feelings and emotions. But it’s so hard and today has been a tough 24hrs.
I felt so guilty when I didn’t answer to Joash cries middle of the night. We tried a new strategy last night - I slept in Joy’s room and if he does his usual night routines, our helper will attend to him. This is also to prepare him for our couple trip coming up in March and if things don’t work out, at least I have enough time to get an extra ticket for him.
He woke up at 4am, and cried and cried. My heart cried together with him. He was angry with the helper and struggled. It was probably only when he saw the empty bedroom that he relented. Took another 30 mins before he finally zzz. By then it was 5am. I took a snooze before ferrying the twins to school.
I thought I felt better after my swim. But somehow I just felt terrible. And by the time I pick Joash from school, I was overwhelmed again. I don’t know what came to me but I just cried. I felt useless and overwhelmed. I felt like all my kids are waiting and expecting me to hold the fort but I’m not stepping up. 🥹🥹🥹🥹
As much as I wanna do 101 things, it’s so hard to lift myself up.
I even made up my mind that I’m going to get this. And i did. But it didn’t do much in cheering me up
”You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” - Jeremiah 29:13 NIV
Dear God, do you hear my cries? Are you carrying me through this storm? I pray that in time to come, this too shall pass. I want to believe that even though I don’t understand why, I wanna believe in faith that all these are steps and journeys to make me a better self. God, I pray that you be with me; carry me and my burdens. I surrender all these in yr name, Amen!
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