Entering 2023

The last day of 2022 ended with a massive meltdown from Vera, like a volcano eruption that hasn’t happened for a long while. As much as I tried, it completely consumed both of us. Joash saw the whole episode and it left him in tears during it and throughout the whole night. 

I felt defeated. 

Defeated that I fell short in so many ways. That I lacked the wisdom and patience to dissect the bomb. I felt incompetent, that I wasn’t spending the last few days doing fun and memorable things with my kids. My social media feeds are flooded with mummies bringing their kids to here or there; showing how capable they are. But here I am, soaked with tears and wishing Thanos would snap me away. 

I wished God would take me away. I wished food could provide some comfort but it didn’t. Logged off my social media and archived some of the group chats coz it was just too much for me.

I know this too shall pass. And I’m a lot more than this. But at this juncture, it’s just HARD. Hard to remember that everyone is different. That for the areas that I aren’t good at, I should look at the areas I am. That I should love myself more and give myself more credit.