We had many episodes yesterday afternoon. I tried to be as understanding as I could, but she is struggling. Struggling to understand her own internal feelings, struggling to regulate herself, struggling to verbalise her thoughts.
I tried but it was tiring. There were so many explosions that by the end of the day, I gave up too. I let William took over. I was frustrated. Frustrated bcoz I felt that he wasn’t doing enough. Why is it always me who has to manage the girls, when he is the homemaker or my co parent? The words were at the tip of my lips - “I will stop work and you can go out to work. We will live with whatever you can provide.”
Instead, I bit my lips and prayed. Prayed for patience and prayed for peace. Prayed that God help carry us thru when it all seem impossibly difficult.
I hid in Grace room after dinner coz it was too difficult. Cried while I was trying to do some not important work. Well, at least work brings food on the table. I have no idea why he seems so busy with his iPad and it has no contribution to the household. I wouldn’t b as pissed if he was sleeping, to be honest. 因为休息是为了走更远的路。 I’m tired that my work always suffer the brunt of it all. Perhaps wfh isn’t viable anymore. Perhaps going to office is a lot easier for me, for him for everyone. At least I wouldn’t see him on his iPad all the time. Or replying msgs to his jewel grp chat when he isn’t even 村长 anymore! I sold the place and just waiting to see when he intends to exit the annoying chat..
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