We had a big fight yday. I guess it’s the result of lack of sleep the night before for both of us. Joash decided to “开party” and kept waking up every hr. He took charge of the entire night shift but I was wide awake laying on the bed. I didn’t dare move for fear that seeing me would worsen the situation. But we were all tired. 

Then the morning came and a series of assumptions + mistakes made him frustrated. I purposefully cut short my social appt and offered to pick him up at nex before picking grace from sch. In the end, we just quarreled our way at coffee bean. It was tiring especially when two people are severely sleep deprived. Halfway thru I just walked back to the car and wept. I regretted having another child. I shouldn’t have prayed for one more when we weren’t ready. The fear of him passing earlier than me hits me BAD plus the fact that his dad had a short life expectancy. His dad passed away at 54 and he’s 51. I know these are all numbers and it doesn’t count for anything. But the fears just crept in and slapped me in the face. 

We are all good now. Kissed and made up shortly after. I guess this is part of marriage - where 2 complete individuals come together and chart their lives together. Whatever destination we plan to head together, we will get there together. Just need to re-align and chart as plans change.