Our fight

Quarreled with the man since sat.. it all started when I felt that he was not doing enough for the family n yet still had tonnes of CCA commitments. It was AGM on sat and being the village head meant that he had to prepare days before it as he had to chair the meeting. I knew he was stressed up over it and probably had to fire fight some issues before sat came..

I'm not a supportive wife to start with too.. and thus easily sparked each time he has to be away for such commitments. I admire the support some of the wives give to the family, when their spouse has similar commitments. Unfortunately, I'm still a work-in-progress.

The boiling point came on sat morning while I was preparing to bring vera for her art class, he was in the room playing his iPad games , leaving the other two girls reading their books outside. I was pissed. I told him directly that if he knows he will b out for his CCA later, then can he pls spend some time with my kids now? N by spending time, I'm not referring to just feeding them or cleaning them. (By the way, joy was the one who fed all of us that morning). I'm referring to engagement. I felt that as a homemaker, his tasks aren't that of a domestic helper. I need him to be more involved now that the kids are older.. blah blah..

And that was part 1.

We had a long "discussion" yday bcoz obviously I feel that he's struggling and the level of care we expect is different. I asked him if he would b happier if he would go find a job outside. (Though to be honest, I dont understand why he needs to work and slog. But i have since been corrected by a few gfs that its DIFFERENT.)

He says that his schedule doesn't permit him to find a job which will pay him decent. And since he cant cope even now, how would it b possible if he has to work. (And it's silly in my perspective if I need hire a maid just so that he can go out and earn some monies.)

And that is why he finds joy in doing his CCAs bcoz its opportunities like this where he can have friends and talk and still have a bit of social life. He says he feels empty bcoz he doesn't have any more friends anymore.

I totally didn't expect it. But he is right. He doesn't have friends who he can arrange for coffee or go for night suppers etc. He was always grounded at home. His friends from the past either drifted when we were busy trying for kids or judged him when he became a homemaker.

I felt so bad, for not being understanding enough, for assuming so many things. What comes natural to me might not be so for him. At least every time I need a listening ear, i can always talk to my kakis, my colleagues etc.. but for him, he could only talk to me.. haiz.. why am I so slow?

I need to improve and fight the demons in me so that each time he goes for his CCAs, we wont end up quarrelling every single time or he doesn't come back feeling guilty for going out. It shouldn't be this way. And I will change. Praying that God help me with this new commitment. Amen !